Why I Still Choose Jesus After All These Years: My 40th Spiritual Birthday Story

By the time February 4, 1986 rolled around, I was on my third father-figure and my seventh home. I was a shy, insecure, anxious, lonely, untethered, unattached teenage girl looking for… something. Desperate, really.

The month prior, I had written a letter to God. In it, I told Him I was sorry for not reading the Bible more, for not trying to know Him better, but I told Him—promised Him—I’d do better. Little did I know that the Holy Spirit was moving in me, preparing me for what was about to come.

Because on February 4, 1986, at the tender age of 15, I was told something about Jesus that I hadn’t really heard before.

Up to that point, almost as if I came into the world believing it, I had known—like we know the sky is blue and grass is green—
that God existed,
that Jesus was His Son,
that Jesus died on the cross for us,
and that God so loved the world that…

But here was the most important piece I had missed along the way—the thing I had been looking for and waiting my whole young life for:

God didn’t just love the whole world… God loved very specific me in personal and intimate ways, and He always had.

I was in. That clinched it for me.

It was my missing piece.
And the soul felt its worth, the Christmas carol goes.

It was everything I had been wanting to hear and to know: that there was One person who had always loved me and He always would.

As Scripture says, “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.” (Jeremiah 31:3)

I didn’t know that verse then.
But I knew its truth in my bones.

There’s a line in a song that goes,

“I believe that I will see
What I'd have been if you didn't save me
One of these days.” (FFH, 1997)

I think about that sometimes—what my life would look like if, 40 years ago, at such a formative age, I hadn’t encountered Jesus and decided to follow Him.

Now, I don’t really believe in sliding-door moments or plan B lives. I believe—somehow, magically, mysteriously—that we are in God’s will when we’re trying to follow Him, even when it’s hard or messy or imperfect. So I don’t think there’s some parallel-universe version of me that didn’t follow Christ.

But I think about it in this sense…

My first best friend—we had Jesus in common.
My first husband—we had Jesus in common.
The children I raised—we have Jesus in common.
My work—writing, women’s ministry, coaching, all of it—has been for Jesus.
My current four closest friends—we have Jesus in common.
The husband I have now—we have Jesus in common.

Who would all of those most important people in my life have been without the Lord?
What work would have been anywhere near as fulfilling as what I’ve been able to put my hand to these past 30 years?

I cannot imagine.

Because Jesus has been everything to me—the touchstone, the foundation, the steady place my whole life has been built on.

Scripture says, “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.” (Hebrews 13:8)

Looking back on 40 years, I see that steadiness. That faithfulness. That constancy.

I hope He sees it that way. It has been my deepest desire, even when I’ve been fumbling—which is still these days, for sure.

So Jesus, thank You for the past 40 years.
And thank You for eternity with You.

As I reflect today, I hear Psalm 16:6 whispering over my life:

“The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance.”

He has been my inheritance.
He has been the most pleasant place, no matter what I’ve walked through.
He has been my home.