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What Does the Bible Say About Staying in a Difficult Marriage? A Personal Reflection
Marriage is beautiful. It’s sacred. But it can also be excruciatingly hard. I don’t say that lightly—I say it as someone who’s lived it.
For some couples, the hard seasons are just that—seasons. For others, the pain stretches into years, decades even. And when you're in the thick of it, especially as a person of faith, you might find yourself asking: What does God actually expect from me here?
Marriage Is a Covenant—Yes. But Not a Cage.
The Bible is clear that marriage is a covenant, not just a contract or a checklist. Genesis 2:24 says, “A man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” Jesus echoes that in Matthew 19:6: “What God has joined together, let no one separate.”
That’s not something to take lightly. I didn’t. I stayed when everything in me wanted to run. I stayed when it cost me sleep, peace, and sometimes even my sense of self. I stayed because I believed in the covenant I made before God.
But a covenant is not the same thing as a sentence. God never intended marriage to become a slow, silent death. The kind where you’re still breathing but barely alive.
The Bible Doesn’t Pretend Marriage Is Easy
1 Corinthians 7 is Paul being real. He encourages people to stay married, yes—but he also recognizes that it’s not always possible. He says, “If the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not bound” (v.15). There’s nuance. There’s room for reality.
I think sometimes the church forgets that. Or maybe it just makes people uncomfortable to admit that some marriages aren’t just struggling—they’re breaking people.
Real Love Doesn’t Hurt You Over and Over Again
Ephesians 5 talks about mutual submission, about laying down your life for your spouse—not lording power over them. But if only one person is doing the laying down and the other just keeps taking, that’s not love. That’s imbalance. That’s harm.
God never asks you to stay in a situation where your dignity is crushed, your safety is threatened, or your heart is constantly being broken by betrayal or abuse. That’s not sacrificial love. That’s survival. And there’s a difference.
Leaving Isn’t Always Failing
I didn’t leave because I stopped believing in marriage. I left because I was released to leave by a circle of leaders in my church, I left because I believe in a God who loves truth. Who loves healing. Who calls us to live in freedom, not bondage.
It broke my heart to walk away. But it would have broken my soul to stay.
There are Scriptural grounds for divorce—adultery (Matthew 19:9), abandonment (1 Corinthians 7:15), and yes, I believe, abuse. But I didn’t leave because of a loophole. I left because I listened, I prayed, I sought counsel, and I knew: This is not what God meant when He said marriage was good.
There Is Redemption—No Matter What
God has a way of showing up in the wreckage. Of bringing hope out of the hardest endings. Of whispering, You’re still mine, when everything else feels lost.
Some marriages do get redeemed and restored. And some don't. Both stories can be holy. Both paths can be walked with faith and integrity.
If you’re in a difficult marriage, hear this: You are not weak. You are not alone. And you are not beyond the reach of grace.
Whether you stay and fight for it, or you let go with tears in your eyes and trembling hands—God is still with you. He sees. He knows. And He loves you more than you can imagine.
FREE (OR SUPER AFFORDABLE) RESOURCES:
in a difficult marriage:
∂ if you’re not safe or if you or your children are being physically or sexually hurt, please set up a safety plan (https://www.thehotline.org/plan-for-safety/create-your-personal-safety-plan/) and contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233)
∂ All That to Say podcast: https://bit.ly/all-that-to-say-elisabeth-klein-podcast
∂ confidential marriage assessment: http://bit.ly/marriage-assessment
∂ 7 Days of Prayer for Your Hard Marriage: https://bit.ly/7-days-of-prayer-for-your-hard-marriage
∂ Surviving in a Difficult Christian Marriage e-book: https://bit.ly/Elisabeth-Klein-books-on-Amazon
∂ Better Way to Stay e-course: https://bit.ly/better-way-to-stay-marriage-ecourse