Living at Peace with Everyone Includes Ourselves
Within two weeks, I heard some horrible news about someone I used to know; I reached out to another person I barely knew a long time ago; I confronted another person I hardly know; and I’ve been thinking about someone I used to be in relationship with who has hurt me deeply.
These are people who either used to be in my life or are in the life of someone close to me. These are people who have hurt me or someone I love deeply, or both. These are people I’ve had to forgive. These are people I am not in relationship with now. And these are people who matter to God.
I wish there were a thing…a word…a concept…where when you were in a relationship with someone for a time and something went badly and it ended but you have forgiven (and you have hopefully been forgiven, but this is not up to you) and yet you both move on with your lives without the other in it…without shame that you’re a bad Christian for not wanting to still be in relationship with the person who has hurt you.
Sure, sure, we’ve got the cultural understanding of boundaries these days, thank the Lord, but still.
We are called to reconcile as Christians. We are called to leave our offering at the altar and track down someone if you know they have a beef with you (I have a feeling a lot of people have huge piles of, like, ground chuck and filet mignon and sloppy joe with me). (I've upset a lot of people in my life, I'm sad to say.) And we are called to live at peace with everyone inasmuch as it is up to us.
AND…
I do not think Jesus expects…demands…you to be in close relationship with someone who has hurt you continually, without ownership, without sincere apology, without change.
I mean…did He wash the feet of Judas knowing he’d betray him soon? Yes. Did He love Judas? I have no doubt. Did He forgive Judas after the betrayal? Probably before the betrayal, knowing all-knowing Jesus.
But He didn’t track Judas down and say, ‘’let’s still be buddies…you can still be in the twelve…here are all my secrets…”
And Jesus also said that if you are not listened to or welcomed, to shake the dust off your feet and move on.
The four people who have come to mind recently…heck…everyone I can think of right now who has hurt me in my lifetime (and that list is very long, I’m sad to say)…I have forgiven.
I do not wish any one of them harm in any way…even the ones who were downright cruel.
In fact, when they come to mind – and some do more often than others – or I hear about them, I say again, “I forgave them, Jesus. Remember? I forgive them again right now. And please bless their entire lives, their health and their relationships.” And then I pray, “Heal them, heal me, set us both free.”
Maybe, when you’ve said all you know to say, and you’ve prayed all you know to pray, and you’ve forgiven as deeply as you’re able to today, maybe living at peace with everyone is this…
it’s saying no more words… it’s praying for healing when you think of them… it’s protecting your heart because I believe God lets us remember for a reason and He wants us to be wise in who we’re in relationship with… it’s being as kind as you can to every other person in your life (living amends in recovery speak)… it’s giving them back to the Lord again and again and again… it's setting them free.
Which in turn sets us free too.
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