How Can I Forgive Myself for Getting Divorced as a Christian?
This one feels tender, doesn’t it?
If you’re reading this and that question is burning in your heart, let me first just say: I see you. I know the ache. I’ve sat in the swirl of guilt and shame and questions and grief. I've felt the sting of judgment—from others, yes, but mostly from within. The thoughts that whisper, "Was I not faithful enough? Did I give up too soon? Did I fail God?"
And I want to gently reach across whatever space lies between us and say: You are not alone.
Let me tell you something that took me a long time to learn. Something I had to wrestle through with tears and prayer and the Word and a lot of late-night conversations with Jesus.
Forgiveness—real, deep, soul-healing forgiveness—doesn’t come from just trying harder to “let it go.” It comes from receiving what’s already been given.
As Christians, we can sometimes carry this heavy burden of needing to get everything “right.” We love the idea of redemption, but when it comes to ourselves, we quietly wonder if maybe we’re the exception. Maybe our story is the one that's too broken.
But let’s just stop right there.
Divorce was never God’s perfect plan, that’s true. But neither was sin or death or betrayal or cancer or war. And yet… here we are, living in a world full of the very things God came to redeem.
And Jesus? He doesn’t walk away when we’re broken. He moves toward us. Right into the mess.
So can we talk for a second about the difference between conviction and condemnation?
Conviction is the Spirit’s kind whisper: “Come closer. There’s healing here.”
Condemnation is the enemy’s hiss: “You’re too far gone. Stay hidden.”
Conviction leads to restoration. Condemnation leads to shame.
And friend, if you're stuck in the loop of self-condemnation over your divorce, can I lovingly tell you — that voice isn’t from God.
Jesus doesn’t require your perfection. He already offered His.
He doesn’t stand over you shaking His head in disappointment. He kneels beside you, scars on His hands, reminding you that He already paid for all of it — the things you did, the things done to you, the heartbreak, the guilt, the nights you cried yourself to sleep asking Him, “Is this really happening?”
You may have walked through the valley of divorce, but that valley is not your identity. It’s not your name. It’s not your final destination.
Forgiveness doesn’t come from pretending it didn’t happen. Forgiveness comes from placing it into the hands of the One who knows every detail and still calls you beloved.
So how can you forgive yourself?
You start by remembering that Jesus already did. Fully. Completely. No footnotes. No conditions.
You walk forward, not by erasing your past, but by surrendering it.
You let God use what the enemy meant for shame, and turn it into empathy, wisdom, tenderness, and freedom — for you, and maybe one day for someone else sitting on the bathroom floor wondering if she can keep going.
And if that voice comes back — the one that tells you you’re disqualified or damaged or somehow “less” because your marriage ended — speak truth back:
“There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” (Romans 8:1)
Not even for this.
You are not your divorce. You are not your failure. You are not beyond grace.
You are His.
And He is still writing your story.
Peace and healing and resurrection power to you today, dear one.
FREE (OR SUPER AFFORDABLE) RESOURCES:
in a difficult marriage:
∂ if you’re not safe or if you or your children are being physically or sexually hurt, please set up a safety plan (https://www.thehotline.org/plan-for-safety/create-your-personal-safety-plan/) and contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233)
∂ All That to Say podcast: https://bit.ly/all-that-to-say-elisabeth-klein-podcast
∂ confidential marriage assessment: http://bit.ly/marriage-assessment
∂ 7 Days of Prayer for Your Hard Marriage: https://bit.ly/7-days-of-prayer-for-your-hard-marriage
∂ Surviving in a Difficult Christian Marriage e-book: https://bit.ly/Elisabeth-Klein-books-on-Amazon
∂ Better Way to Stay e-course: https://bit.ly/better-way-to-stay-marriage-ecourse
separated or divorced or single mom:
∂ All That to Say podcast: https://bit.ly/all-that-to-say-elisabeth-klein-podcast
∂ Unraveling: Hanging Onto Faith Through the End of a Christian Marriage book: https://bit.ly/Elisabeth-Klein-books-on-Amazon
∂ Moving On as a Christian Single Mom e-book: https://bit.ly/Elisabeth-Klein-books-on-Amazon
∂ Heartbreak to Hope divorce recovery e-course: https://bit.ly/Heartbreak-to-Hope-ecourse
∂ all other courses: https://bit.ly/wholeness-courses