As I type, my sweet husband is driving home from work. Something I haven’t shared with the masses is that his transfer has not come through yet, his job is ninety minutes away, and he doesn’t always come home every night of the week (on those nights, he stays with his parents; sometimes I head out to see him, sometimes not).
This is just a part of life. And if this is one of our biggest problems, we can handle it for sure. In fact, it feels pretty much like when we were dating which I should be totally used to.
Which is a bit of the issue: in tiny places of my heart, it still feels like we’re just dating.
I know we are completely and utterly married, and on weekends, it totally feels like it. But during the week, we can feel…sporadic. And my heart is waiting for the time when he is working closer and coming home every day after work, spending every evening with me.
Okay, a caveat. You might be thinking, what’s two or three days? Big deal. Or as one of my friends pointed out, this is what I used to joke about wanting: a husband who didn’t live with me. Well, it’s a big deal in my mind for two reasons: one, we’re newlyweds; and two, when I used to joke about that, I never in a million years pictured finding a man who I loved being with so much, who loved me so well I never wanted him to leave my side.
So anyway, in the meantime, in this waiting time – where I wrongly find myself waiting to start our lives together – I am doing a few things.
I am trying to catch myself when I think to myself that it’s just like we’re only dating, because we are not. We are committed, we are married, we are husband and wife, and some distance a night or two each week does not lessen that one bit.
And I am trying to show grace, to him and to myself.
And I am praying for patience, to not be an immature crybaby when I miss him, to not make him feel bad.
And I am praying for protection over our hearts and marriage while we’re apart, for connection to remain strong, praying for me to feel married.
And I am trying to practice gratitude. For heaven’s sake, the man is a hard worker who enjoys his job and is providing for me. Don’t be a brat, Beth.
And I am trying to fill my evenings without him, either with something fun or even just something that brings me joy or relaxes me.
And just now, as I anticipate him coming home to me, I prayed that he would be refreshed on his way home, that he would be looking forward to seeing me after two days, that I will greet him with pure joy, that God will whisper to me ways that I can make this place feel more and more like home to him every time he walks through the door.
And I am asking for an open heart to learn what I can in this in-between time, this new, lovely, strange in-between time.
Are you feeling unsettled these days? Are you waiting for something to happen, for the next season to just start?
Are you, perhaps, waiting for your marriage to just end already…for the judge or your church or your husband to call time of death once and for all?
Are you, maybe, waiting to feel normal again, post-divorce…hoping that one day you’ll wake up and not feel such an ache, such a gaping wound, such a deep, deep loneliness?
Are you a single mom and you are longing for financial stability, waiting for the month when it seems like your check might actually be enough?
Are you dating and waiting and wondering where that man is that everyone says you deserve?
Are you simply in a season of pain or uncertainty and you’re longing for it to just be over?
Every season of life has an element of waiting for what’s next. It’s just part of life.
So can you – if you look really hard and really close – see the beauty in the place you are right this moment? Can you – like I’m trying to do – be able to be grateful for the unsettledness, for the slight discomfort, for the things that aren’t just the way we want them because maybe God actually has something in this season for us that we could only learn this way?
Because there’s always something to be learned in a season that feels unsettling. Always, always, always. And because there’s always something to be grateful for in a season that feels unsettling. Always, always, always.
What is God teaching you in your limbo?
I could totally relate to this post. My husband is a forest firefighter crew boss on the other side of the country, so for the past three years he’s been gone for half the year every year. I completely feel like our relationship is in limbo every summer while he’s away, and it’s a trying time for us in so many ways. But God is teaching me, and I’m listening, and I’m so grateful for the supernatural peace he gives me as we go through these seasons.
Another GREAT post!! This is totally where I am right now, waiting in this season, and unsure of what the next season will look like. I am focusing on healing and becoming whole again – searching for “the real me” in the aftermath of the tsunami of divorce. It’s been some stinkin’ hard work, but I think I’m truly getting to the “meat” of the process. Seeking God, forgiving, repenting, asking forgiveness, receiving forgiveness, uncovering and pulling down strongholds….I am SO INCREDIBLY BLESSED that God has brought people into my life for such a time as this. I got some sweet confirmation again this week to take the next step forward. One day at a time, one step at a time, and God reveals each step of the way!! Ladies, the wait can and does seem long at times, but the joy that awaits us is SO WORTH the journey!! AMEN, Elizabeth!!
Oh my goodness. This is exactly the message I needed right now. I’ve been seriously stressing for a few weeks. My husband and I are separated, but in counseling and on a positive path to reconciliation, but in the meantime, I’m worn out! My 7 year old and 1 year old have me so exhausted every day and it feels like I’m never caught up with anything.
I just realized after reading this that this season could end at any moment. So today, in this moment, I can enjoy my two little boys and create a deeper bond with them. I can appreciate the alone time in the evenings and devour books and stay up late writing without disturbing anyone. I can sleep all night without being awakened by snoring (ha!).
Even though I would rather be living with my husband, it isn’t all bad. There are blessings in everything.
I relate to the feeling of being in limbo so much! You’re so right about life being a series of seasons. Every time my high maintenance baby pushes me to the edge of my mothering capabilities, I repeat to myself, “It’s just a season. It’s just a season.” Before I decided to move forward with filing for divorce the waiting season I went through really strengthened my faith. http://www.evenatmyweakest.com/?p=22
Kudos to you for being intentional about focusing on the blessings while you wait for the transfer to come through. ((Hugs)).
It’s always interesting to me when men (assuming Weldon is a man) come in women’s spaces and pass judgement.
Elisabeth this was the perfect post for me to read tonight. I am literally crawling out of my skin sometimes as I am in a really frustrating season of limbo. My husband and I have been separated for nine weeks now and since I am a military dependent living in Germany, I have to wait for orders back to the States. I could have left a long time ago, but without any of my possessions and without any military-mandated financial support. It’s so hard sometimes, but it’s good for me to remember that I chose this path (I am bouncing back and forth between living with my pastor and being with my girls at our apartment when he is working) because it is the best for me and my girls’ both financially and emotionally. It’s the best way to say “this is the end” in a dignified manner. This is not the first time I have left in fear of his escalating abuse, but it is the last time. Every day I wake up thinking “maybe today will be the day I hear the good news that we have orders!” (which will mean I can start the real details of moving) but then every night for the last four weeks, I have to settle my heart and remember that THIS is right where God wants me. I am an impatient girl, so it’s no surprise to me that God regularly puts me in situations where I need to work my patience-muscles. There is so much in me that just cries out to God PLEASE JUST LET ME GET OUT OF HERE ALREADY because I want to “move on”… but moving on happens one day at a time. And you are exactly right – that God is teaching a lot in this season of limbo. I am remembering to slow down my crazy brain that wants to jump way way way ahead of where I realistically am right now. I am doing yoga. Taking walks. Meeting up with dear friends. Eating comfort food. Drinking a lot of water. Reading good books. Staying away from alcohol. Enjoying my last moments in beautiful Germany. And praying for daily strength. Thanks for this post. Also, congratulations on your marriage. I’ve been following you for a few years now and I am so happy for you!