Question (from Facebook community): “How can I make sure I don’t repeat my mistakes?”
Whether you’re still married and trying to rebuild your marriage or you are separated or divorced and looking toward your future, there is emotional work you can do on yourself to attempt to prevent repeating your relational mistakes.
1. Do I have any childhood baggage that I still haven’t worked through? If so, what? How can I take steps now to process all of it?
2. Why did I choose the person I chose to marry? What did I love about him?
3. Did I see any red flags before we got married? If so, why did I choose to ignore them and push past them?
4. What did my husband do to me or how did my husband act that I now consider to be unacceptable behavior?
5. What did I do to my husband or how did I act that I now consider to be unacceptable behavior? (It goes both way, girls; we are not sinless.)
6. What are some ways that I can actively work on changing my flaws?
7. What did my husband do well in our marriage? Did I affirm that?
8. What did I do well in our marriage? What are some characteristics I want to enhance?
9. What steps can I be taking now to heal where I am right now? (Counseling, a recovery group, finding a mentor, etc.)
10. Have I fully grieved the losses (of either how I thought my marriage was going to turn out or the death of my marriage)?
11. Am I letting others in to my life to speak to me truthfully about my words, actions and thought life?
12. Based on Scripture, what I’ve learned from church, and the wise counsel around me, what do I believe are God’s next steps of healing for me?
I think we all know by now that there are no guarantees in life but asking yourself these questions, and answering them honestly, is a good place to start. I would even suggest inviting a trusted friend, mentor or counselor to help you process the answers to these questions, and to bravely invite feedback.
Offer yourself tons of grace. Turning something around takes time. Grieving takes time. Healing takes time. But God wants to bring you to a place of wholeness and healing, so this is something you can wait for with solid hope, even if it doesn’t look like what you expect.
We wait in hope for the LORD; He is our help and our shield. -Psalm 33:20-