Question (from Facebook community): “I’ve noticed I’m having a hard time trusting people and even friends completely unrelated to the divorce. What is something you’ve done that has helped you re-establish trust in people?”I just did a word search on for trust and I wasn’t surprised to see that most of the references alluded to this: putting our trust in God.  What did surprise me though was when the occasional verse actually did refer to trusting in our sword, or our horses, or ourselves, or someone else, it basically implied that we were doing so at our own peril, that trusting in God was our only sure thing.

So, I think this might be where we need to start.  We need to build up our trust in God first as our foundation.  And we can do this a couple ways.  First, we ask him to strengthen our faith in him.  We need to pray, just like the man in Mark 9 prayed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”  This is a prayer God wants to answer for us.  Secondly, we need to rehearse how God has come through for us and for our friends, and also read about how faithful God was all throughout Scripture.  And thirdly, we need to sit with the realization that God alone is the only one truly worthy of our full trust. Then we move onto gratitude if we have even one person in our lives that we really feel we can trust.

Because if I’m understanding Scripture correctly, having trustworthy people in my life is basically a bonus.I totally get having a hard time trusting people after being hurt through this divorce process.  I am, sadly, more cynical. I am not automatically believing the best about people.  I am a bit more jaded and suspicious than I ever thought I’d be.  But I believe this can soften with time and prayer, and I believe it’s something God wants to heal in us.I believe we need to actively work on forgiving those who have actually hurt us as this will clear away the bitterness and can restore a freedom and a balance to how we perceive people.  But a word of warning: I am not saying forgive-and-forget.  I am saying forgive.  I think God wants us to remember, in part, some of the pain we’ve been through so we don’t keep walking into the same mistakes over and over again.This means I think we can ask God to help us know who we can trust.  Hopefully we do have people in our lives whose intentions toward us are good, who love us for who we are, who we are able to share our hearts with and believe that what we share will go no further.  If you don’t have people in your life like this, ask God to bring them into your life.

However, I also think it’s okay to have a healthy caution with people.  Not everyone in your life needs to know every detail in your life.  Not every friend in your life needs to be your best friend.  If you’ve been hurt by someone, I believe the wise thing is to put some emotional distance until an apology, a change, and some healing has taken place.But if someone hasn’t hurt you, and they’ve given you no reason not to trust them, and yet you still find yourself leery, you might want to talk with someone about this who can help you diagnose what might really be going on.  We might have blind spots that others can point out to us.  I was recently struggling with something that someone said to me…I couldn’t seem to let it go no matter what I did…and a close friend said, “I think so-and-so might remind you of so-and-so, and that’s why it hurts like this.”  Ding ding ding…breakthrough.  So, open yourself up to a close friend or a counselor until you can get to the bottom of this, because walking through life through squinty, skeptical eyes is a sad place to live.


If this post encouraged you, you would benefit from “Unraveling: Hanging onto Faith through the End of a Christian Marriage”, found here or “Living through Divorce as a Christian Woman”, found here.

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