I’m sitting here trying to figure out why I can’t think of anything to write about right now.And why I haven’t written anything for my blog since last Sunday.That’s sort of odd for me.I just made myself look at my calendar for this past week to see what might’ve been going on.
I think I might know what it is…I’ve had a couple fairly intense conversations with my kids this week and they don’t feel like they’re for public consumption.Usually I write about practically everything in my life, hearts not just on my sleeve but hanging out all over because why not, and if there is something that’s just too private, I couch it in metaphors and analogies.
But this week has just been too…real…intimate maybe.Hard to hear.And I can’t share.And that is what my mind has been focusing on this week come to think of it.In fact, I’m tending this thing like a tomato plant, as a dear friend pointed out.Meaning, I’m worrying, and I’m feeding this worry with near-obsessive thoughts.
But I’m trying.I’m really trying to lay it down.Unfortunately, as soon as I lay the thing down, I think of one more aspect and I find myself hunkered down on the ground lying there next to it.Did it just move?Did it grow?Is that a new leaf?Wait, it wasn’t that color green five minutes ago, was it?Is it poisonous?What should I do about it?Should I prune it, leave it alone, throw it out?You get my drift.
Oh, look at me…there I go couching in analogies again. I thought I wasn’t going to do that this time around. But since I am, do I have any little gems to offer you? To those of you who may have a worrying gene or two in their body.
Let me think.
Well, this verse that I read yesterday unnerves me more than anything else. Luke 8:50 (The Message) says that “Jesus said, ‘Don’t be upset. Just trust me and everything will be all right.’”
This is one of those that I think to myself, “Okay. Yeah, I’ll get right on that.” Which, I know, is irreverently snarky and slightly faithless of me. I’m comforted and put off in one fell swoop. Only God’s Word does this to me. So I read that, and write it in my journal, and feel slightly guilty that I already know I will fail at this one, and then I move on with my day.
So, then there’s today’s verse from Luke 9:11b (The Message) that said, simply, “Those who needed healing, He healed.”
Oh. Like, I pretty much have nothing to do with it. I pretty much need to hand over my tomato plant and its burgeoning fruit and all that goes with it and, really, hand it over. I mean, I may have to do something about it eventually, but right now what I need to do with it is put it to prayer and wait. I’m not going to find the answer in the tomato plant, so tending to it and examining it really is just sucking precious life away from me. (How I wish I could remember this sentence in the moment…maybe the very next time, I actually will remember it.)
So, that’s what I’ve got today. My version of don’t worry, be happy, I guess, but with trust Jesusgive it to Him thrown in. and Happy Sunday.