Welcome to the blog. Once a month, I’ll be sharing both something I’ve newly written and one of my most-read posts from the past dozen years. Hope you enjoy! –Elisabeth
NEW POST: Gratitude Opportunity
We all know that there is merit in counting our blessings, that joy stems from gratitude, that we are all more blessed than we know we are and more than we acknowledge.
But some of us are walking through dark seasons, some of us are weary, some of us perhaps can’t see the good in our hard.
And that’s okay, and I completely get it.
But there is something beautiful to remembering the good our LORD has done for us, the big things of course, but the little, daily things too.
So as we head into the holiday season, as we round the corner on another year, I want to offer up two ways you can increase intentionally paying attention and saying thanks.
Because I’ve found there is the blessing in the thing itself, but the goodness increases and lasts when we say thank you to the giver of all good gifts, and it reminds us of the Hands it all comes from.
Option 1:
Every night between now and the end of the year, take about five minutes to write down the following: (even if you’re not a writer-down-er, the act of putting it on paper tends to permament-alize these things in your heart):
-3 good things that happened that day
-3 (tops) yucky things that happened that day (not to dwell, but to get it out)
-3 blessings of God in your life (not necessarily today-specific)
-3 good things that you are anticipating the following day
Option 2:
Okay, but let’s say all of that sounds like too much. Let’s lower the bar a tad then because something truly is better than nothing…each night between now and the end of the year, write down one thing you are grateful for from that day. Now that’s easy-peasy for sure.
Gratitude is a practice, not a natural instinct. And it centers our hearts on the goodness of God.
Hannah Whitall Smith says, “It is not because things are good that we are to thank the LORD, but because He is good.”
Let’s join together in looking for the good this season and in looking for God this season.
Give thanks to the LORD, for He is good.
His love endures forever.
–Psalm 136
Holidays for the Hurting: 25 Devotions to Help You Heal, available in paperback, Kindle and now Audible:
paperback: https://bit.ly/Holidays-for-the-Hurting-paperback
Kindle: https://bit.ly/Holidays-for-the-Hurting-kindle
Audible: https://bit.ly/Holidays-for-the-Hurting-audible
REPOST: Stop Obsessing About Your Ex
Question: How do you stop obsessing about what your ex-husband is doing with his life? How do you detach from someone that you were literally linked to as “one flesh” for years and years?
The same way you spit out the elephant you’ve been eating for years…one bite at a time.
Okay, let’s get something straight. Becoming un-one is super hard, super sad, and will take a super long time, there’s just no getting around it.
God made you one. I’ve heard it said, think what happens when something is super-glued and then gets ripped apart…neither piece comes out unscathed, right? The same goes for a marriage that ends in divorce. When something happens that wasn’t supposed to happen – like a divorce – it sort of goes against the natural laws of physics or what-have-you, and that usually means you can count on extra amounts of healing being needed.
So first of all, please show yourself some grace. All the way up to divorce day, you were married. And you had a husband. And we are conditioned to think about our husbands, to care about them, to wonder what they’re doing, to be concerned about their choices. You don’t just turn that off overnight.
But you can, slowly, deprogram yourself, for lack of a better word. I think there are a few ways you can do this.
The first is to take your thoughts captive for Christ. When you find yourself wanting to text your ex-husband (about something non-essential or non-child-related) or you are wondering if he’s dating yet or you’re concerned about his drinking habits, you must stop yourself in your tracks. You can do this a couple ways. You can literally say “STOP” out loud. You can remind yourself right then and there that “he is no longer my responsibility because he is no longer my husband,” or whatever kind of mantra you want to slip in there. You can even pray for him and envision handing him over to God to take care of from now on. But then you need to be ready with a new thought. It can be a Scripture that you’re working on memorizing or even something silly that you’re looking forward to doing soon.
Secondly, borrowing a concept I’ve learned from author and counselor (and who I consider to be one of my spiritual fathers, though we’ve never met), John Eldredge, is to pray something along these lines: “God, I sever all spiritual, emotional, physical, relational, and mental ties I have with my ex-husband. Break all unholy and unhealthy heart, soul, mind and body ties between us. I bring the Cross of Christ between us. I send back everything that is his to him, in the power and authority of Jesus Christ.” And girl, you pray that over and over and over. To quote Aundie Kolber, author of Try Softer (a book I cannot recommend highly enough, by the way): “I return what is not mine to hold.”
And thirdly, another great way you can stop obsessing about your ex-husband’s life is to start living your best, fullest life possible. But Beth, you want to say, I’m sad and grieving and I lay in my pajamas all day every day. Yeah, I get that. I did that. (I sometimes still do that.) But there are so many things that you can fill your mind with other than your ex-husband. DVDs, books, praying for your kids and your friends, making yourself a healthy meal, looking into an online class, dusting off that old hobby of yours and starting it up again, going for walks, taking an exercise class, going out for tea with a friend, serving someone in your community who needs your help or company. In other words, as you fill up your life and your heart and your mind with good and beautiful things, you will have less time to wonder and worry and obsess over your ex. Trust me, the days when I’m even just running errands or meeting with a friend or leading a small group or writing like crazy are the days when I forget (okay, almost forget) that I even have an ex-husband, let alone what he’s up to.
Girls, it’s time to move on. It won’t be easy or overnight. But it all starts in your head and it all starts with you.
FREE (OR SUPER AFFORDABLE) RESOURCES:
wholeness help:
*my podcast – All That to Say: https://anchor.fm/elisabeth-klein
*Facebook group for all women: https://elisabethklein.com/join-wholehearted-group/
*top 10 tips for taking care of you: https://elisabethklein.com/top-ten-tips/
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in a difficult marriage?
*if you’re not safe or if you or your children are being physically or sexually hurt, please set up a safety plan (http://www.ncdsv.org/images/DV_Safety_Plan.pdf) and contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233)
*my podcast – All That to Say: https://anchor.fm/elisabeth-klein
*marriage assessment: http://bit.ly/marriage-assessment
*Surviving in a Difficult Christian Marriage e-book: https://elisabethklein.com/books
*14-Day Marriage Challenge: https://elisabethklein.com/marriage-challenge-2/
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separated or divorced or single mom?
*my podcast – All That to Say: https://anchor.fm/elisabeth-klein
*grab my book, Unraveling: Hanging Onto Faith Through the End of a Christian Marriage: bit.ly/UnravelingMarriage
*Lies We Tell Ourselves webcast: https://elisabethklein.com/lies-we-tell/
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