I wrote the following post towards the end of my first marriage. Part of me doesn’t even recognize let alone remember that version of me and the amount of pain I was living in. But when we are in pain, and when things don’t seem to be getting better for a long time, and if we don’t have healthy ways to cope and vent, things can get bottled up and shards is what comes out. May this encourage those of you who are in deep pain or carrying a heavy burden right now. -Elisabeth

The only real, lasting way to have our lives transformed is to renew our minds. We do this by taking off the old and putting on the new. And we put on the new by changing our thinking as we invite the Spirit to work God’s word deep into our minds, hearts and lives. –from Andy Stanley-

What I tell myself = LIE = My anger is justified. I can yell if I want to. It’s not good to keep it all bottled in. It’s not good to allow someone to walk all over you.
What I should tell myself = IT IS WRITTEN… = You should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry, because your anger does not bring about the righteous life God desires. –James 1:19

What I tell myself = LIE = My needs aren’t being met, so it’s okay to shop, watch TV, eat whatever I want, et cetera.
What I should tell myself = IT IS WRITTEN… = Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. –I Peter 5:8

What I tell myself = LIE = Anyone would obsess if they had the problems I had. It’s not that big of a deal. It doesn’t affect me adversely.
What I should tell myself = IT IS WRITTEN… = Take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ. –II Corinthians 10:5b

What I tell myself = LIE = I’m too burdened to serve right now or to be of service to anyone.
What I should tell myself = IT IS WRITTEN… = Do not grow weary in well-doing, for in due season we shall reap, if we don’t faint. -Galatians 6:9

What I tell myself = LIE = I can’t forgive. I won’t forgive. Anyone who tells me I should doesn’t understand how much I’ve been hurt.
What I should tell myself = IT IS WRITTEN… = For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you. –Matthew 6:14

What I tell myself = LIE = Woe is me. I have so many problems. My problems are bigger than your problems. Everyone should feel sorry for me. It’s okay that I walk around all sad and mopey. It’s okay if I don’t expect a lot out of myself; I’m in crisis for heaven’s sake.
What I should tell myself = IT IS WRITTEN… = The LORD has done great things for me and I am filled with joy. –Psalm 126:3

FREE (OR SUPER AFFORDABLE) RESOURCES:

wholeness help:
*my podcast – All That to Say: https://anchor.fm/elisabeth-klein
*Facebook group for all women: https://elisabethklein.com/join-wholehearted-group/
*top 10 tips for taking care of you: https://elisabethklein.com/top-ten-tips/
*webcast: who am I now (that I’m not who I thought I was)??: https://elisabethklein.com/who-am-i-now/
*fill out this coaching survey and I’ll respond with a custom coaching proposal: bit.ly/how-is-your-life-working
*set up a coaching email: https://elisabethklein.com/product/coaching-email/

in a difficult marriage?
*if you’re not safe or if you or your children are being physically or sexually hurt, please set up a safety plan (http://www.ncdsv.org/images/DV_Safety_Plan.pdf) and contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233)
*Detaching with Love webcast: https://elisabethklein.com/detaching-with-love-1/
*marriage assessment: http://bit.ly/marriage-assessment
*my 3-month e-course, Marriage Methods (now PAY WHAT YOU CAN): https://bit.ly/marriage-methods-pwyc

if you’re in a difficult marriage with biblical grounds to divorce and you’re trying to decide whether to stay or go:
*my 5-week e-course, Decision Time: https://elisabethklein.com/product/decisiontime/

separated or divorced or single mom?
*grab my book, Unraveling: Hanging Onto Faith Through the End of a Christian Marriage: bit.ly/UnravelingMarriage
*Lies We Tell Ourselves webcast: https://elisabethklein.com/lies-we-tell/
*my 3-month e-course, Heartbreak to Hope (now PAY WHAT YOU CAN): https://bit.ly/Heartbreak-to-Hope-pwyc

Life isn't always how we want it. When change seems elusive, and we're stuck in old routines, a gentle push or some self-reflection can make a difference. Let these questions be that nudge to get you moving.

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