I’ve talked about my struggles with worry and mild depression but something new is coming into play in my life these days.
Anxiety, which I’m finding, is different than worry.
Worry, for me, is when I ruminate about something that isn’t happening in that moment…either something I did that I regret or something that might happen, both of which I have no control over, both of which ruminating doesn’t help at all.
Anxiety, for me, is somewhat new.
I was on my way to a small gathering of people who I care about. On that particular day, I had taken a nap, done some yoga, taken my Calm’s Forte, had a cup of chamomile tea, prayed for energy and peace, and there were no crises imploding our lives (which feels rare).
In other words, I was as prepared as I could be to walk into this setting. And there was nothing circumstantially wrong in my little world.
And yet, in the car, on the way there, I felt sick to my stomach, I wanted to cry, I wanted to turn that car around and go back home, I wanted to crawl into bed and sleep until the next day.
I didn’t want to go to the thing I was supposed to.
For no apparent reason other than my body was telling me there was something to be scared about, when there was not.
I took some deep breaths.
I told my husband what I was feeling. (Even saying, THIS is how I know something isn’t right…because there’s nothing wrong and I feel like this right now.)
I asked Jesus to help me, to calm me, to give me courage (to do something I shouldn’t need courage for).
And then I went and did the thing and it was okay. I was okay.
But I’ve been feeling this feeling more lately. For things that shouldn’t be emotionally challenging for me to do.
Like, before I’m supposed to leave for a speaking engagement (I’ve been speaking for twenty years now, and I love it).
Like, before I walk in to get a haircut (I’ve been getting haircuts all my life and they’re nbd).
Like, before I’m supposed to get together with someone I love (I’ve been getting together with people I love for an eternity and I love the people that I love).
Like, when a text or call comes through on my or my husband’s phone from a few certain people.
On regular life things that aren’t scary, that I’ve done a gazillion times before.
So, here’s what I’m trying now.
I’m stopping.
I’m acknowledging that I’m feeling off, that I’m feeling that feeling again.
I’m sitting down, somewhere alone if I’m able to.
I’m placing my hand on my heart.
I’m taking deep breaths, but more intentionally: four deep breaths in then six deep breaths out (research indicates that a longer exhalation signals the brain that it’s okay to calm down).
And I’m saying out loud to myself, gently, quietly, you’re safe…you’re safe right now…Jesus is with you…you are okay.
After a minute or two, I get back up. And I muster up the courage, and I push through and go back to my life.
Here’s the thing. I’ve never once – not yet – cancelled something or didn’t do something because of that feeling. I still always do the thing I’m scared of, which I’m grateful for.
But this isn’t okay. Life shouldn’t scare me. I’m a big girl with a big God. Which tells me, something’s not right.
All I know to do right now is ask God to help me figure it out, and for strength and bravery in the meantime.
Lord, help me until You help me. Amen.
Oh, this is something I’ve lived with off and on for as long as I can remember. Only, I call it intuition. It raises its head when I’ve picked up on something not quite right but don’t know what it is. Often it has nothing to do with me, but something in the life of someone I care for. If I can examine what I’m seeing or hearing, or if the circumstance becomes more bold so I can clearly interpret them, the anxiety goes away. So, my prayers have become asking God to show me what it is my mind is trying to tell me, and that if whatever it is is something I should not know in the now, to give me peace until it is time. All of that to say, your anxiety may not have no basis, dear friend. It may not mean there is anything wrong with you, but rather that something is very right with you. I do know that the further from my difficult marriage I have moved them more in tune I’ve become to my surroundings once again. For me, I’ve learned to appreciate my intuition. It has keep me from stepping in a deep hole more than once ????
You described me, Elisabeth! I take Lexapro, and it does help. I’m in crisis mode now, and I still experience anxiety because of all the bad things going on. Peace to both of us.
Peri-menopause. I came home from work one day and went into full on doom and gloom mode. I didn’t know what was happening so I went to bed. Started my period the next day and since it was a month late it was brutal!
I have battled anxiety for a few years now. It is quite different from worry for me, too. When I feel anxious for no apparent reason, I have found that is the reason. Sometimes when things are going well in my little world, I don’t just enjoy the moment. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. I feel like when nothing is wrong, nothing is right. It is my desire to learn to be content in every situation. When I feel anxious for no apparent reason I start praising God and thanking Him for His grace and goodness toward me. I am able to shake off the gloom this way. Praise Him when you don’t really feel like doing it. You will never regret it!
I was having thses attacks – out of the blue and a friend asked me how much coffee I was drinking. 1 cup in the morning i replied but when I thought about it, it was the strength of 6!!!! No joke i was having a very very strong coffee. So Ive cut back and its actually helped!
Oh Elizabeth I completely get it. I know mine is related to hormones most of the time. I’m not offically in menopause this is a very different season thats for sure. I understand it.
This sounds unusual for you. It may be worth a visit to your physician to rule out thyroid dysfunction or a pheochromocytoma, both of which can have anxiety as a symptom.