I have haters. I don’t really care about them all that much anymore, but I’ve got them. Over the past few years, I have received some horrible messages:
You hate men!
I don’t, I love men…well, allow me to rephrase…in general I respect good men and I love my man.
You’re not a Christian anymore!
I so totally am, Jesus is my Lord and Savior and has been since I was 15, thankyouverymuch.
You’re not a part of God’s army because your ministry is based on divorce!
Umm, I’m in the Lord’s army, yessir!, (Sunday school song reference), and two, my ministry is to help people going through divorce, not help them get divorced or tell them to divorce.
You’re the reason my wife left me!
Hmm, if you’re writing me – a stranger – a really mean email, I’m thinking there’s a chance you might also be mean to your wife and you may want to take a good long look in the mirror, dear hurting man.
Also, I have never once – NEVER ONCE – told a woman she should divorce her husband. You can ask Jesus.
Do I come before Jesus with it all? Yes.
Do I let them inform my life? Umm, no.
Because here’s where people get tripped up. They follow this logic:
She is divorced therefore she must believe divorce is okay (across the board).
She is divorced therefore she must be anti-marriage.
Hells to the no.
Just because I am divorced does not mean I believe marriage is disposable.
In fact, I am even more pro-marriage on this side of a hard marriage, on this side of a divorce, on this side of single motherhood, on this side of dating in my 40s, on this side of remarriage, than I ever was when I was fighting to keep my first marriage alive, and I was very, very, very pro-marriage back then.
Now, you may not agree with the prayerful, thoughtful conclusion that I have come to that divorce is biblically allowable for abuse and addiction under the Old Testament’s view of abandonment, and that’s fine.
But do not come at me saying that I do not hold marriage as holy, as a lasting covenant.
As a woman who has lived through the desecration of her vows, I hold firmly to the truth that God created marriage to last a lifetime, but that in some instances, it just cannot continue.
I believe God saw Adam in his loneliness and provided Eve to meet his need for partnership. I do not believe God created marriage first and then plugged in Adam & Eve to meet its need for working parts.
Bottomline, for the rest of my days, I will be pro-marriage, because marriage – when it’s working as God intended – is just about the sweetest, most beautiful thing there is this side of heaven. But when it’s not…sweet girls, I know that pain, and you are not alone, and there is hope and help.
YOU ARE INVITED to my new FREE live webinar: How to Reclaim Your Identity Now That You’re Divorced (Debunking Ex-Wife Myths)! You have a couple dates to choose so nab your spot today!
You really are a blessing to so many i guess there will always be people who hate us , as Jesus said if they hated me they will you well my mother hates me since i became a christian i have had to fight for custody of my nieces won and now hated by many long story , I dont see you as wanting divorce for anyone but trying to help woman make a stand to not be abused .. I hope you know your a blessing and you have more that love your ministry then dont ..
Venice, I’m so very sorry for your pain. Thank you for reading and taking the time to encourage me!
Oh my gosh i thought this was new i was ready to write you and saw i already did . Thank you again for all you do , you are helping many God Bless and Keep you ..
AMEN!!! AMEN!!! AMEN!! Elizabeth, your ministry has changed my life!! Because of you, I’m stepping onto the battlefield to help others! You keep on keeping on! I’m following your lead dear lady!!
Aww, thank you, sweet Kim!!!
To my bff from God… here I am again reading another one of your articles.. (smiling) and thanking God for the gift of transparency and honesty that you share with us.
My circumstance was parallel to tours in sooo many ways.
I HATE divorce.
I absolutely Love our Heavenly Father!
And thank Him that only He can be so loving andcompassionate.
Only HE knows what we went through..how we tried.
Only HE can set an equally your marriage free of an unbroken covenant and Forgive.
Our Hevenly Fatjer gave me the opportunity to remarry.
It has strengthened my love for Him and to cherish this new founding love and marriage with all of my heart,soul and mind!
Yes…people will talk and critize!! “Hurting people hurt others”. In the meantime I let God heal and restore me to so that He can be glorified.
He is the Good Potter and we are the clay.. He is the Loving Shepherd and we are His sheep.
Love you girl… your spiritual BFF from Southern California. 🙂
Newmercy73… Mrs M Rizzo
Thank you for these sweet words, Mariana! Yes, we are the clay and the sheep!
Elisabeth, You are a light for Jesus and He is working powerfully through you to bring hope to so many women. I am so thankful that you don’t allow the lies of the enemy and the judgment of others to stop what you are doing for the Kingdom!
Sweet Lauren, thank you so much! It’s been so great getting to know you better. You’ve got this!
Thank you for your ministry!!!! Many of us DON’T want a divorce but that was the only option we were left with. You helped me during a very, very difficult time in my life NOT by telling me to “divorce my husband” but by reassuring me that godly women have walked this path before me and I’m not alone, there is hope at the end of the dark tunnel, and I can stay close to Jesus through it all and not feel far away from him. I am very pro-marriage and I hate divorce but here I am… a Christian divorced woman which is an anomaly. I was so worried what people might think of me and how they might judge me but I found strength in your story and I’m (usually) not so worried what other people think anymore so thank you so much for pushing through the haters and doing what you do to support and encourage those of us walking through the valley of the shadow of death.
Oh Dannielle, I’m so grateful I was able to be of some support to you.
I wish you didn’t have to go thru’ divorce. But sadly living in a sinful and fallen world puts us in situations we would rather not be in.
Although God hates divorce ( because it hurts us and causes us pain) he loves us even if we get divorced. Many are divorced not out of their doing and not within their control. My heart goes out to them.
We need to fight for our God ordained marriage – and you did all you could. There are many in the same boat as you.
I am still in the fight for my marriage. I don’t know where I will end. I hope it survives and Gods name will be glorified through my marriage. Not every thing is in my hands. I keep my eyes on God and trust Him with the results.
Thank you for sharing your story that helps us know we are not suffering alone. Thank you for pointing everyone to keep their eyes on Jesus and being accountable for their actions. God is using you as a blessing to many.
Blessings to you.