This is a continuation of a series every Friday where I will be highlighting the growth and healing of one of my readers, a new reader each week. These, my sweet ones, are their brave and vulnerable stories. Take heart…you are not alone. -Elisabeth
39 years ago, I married my best friend. We attended the church and served on many committees and leadership positions. My husband was one of the elders.
My husband was addicted to porn. I had no idea how destructive porn can be to a person’s mind and to a relationship. His use of porn elevated to affairs. He would have these until I found out then he would break it off. He would work to re-gain my trust and we would limp back to “normal” until the next affair. Each time there was a new affair a bit of my self-worth as a wife and a woman would be chiseled away.
28 years into our marriage he was fired. His employer found porn on his computer. He found work but was not making the income he was. I was forced to find a job. I asked him to get help for his problem. He doesn’t think he has a problem. He talked with our pastor. 34 years into our marriage I found out my husband was having another affair. This affair had been going on for 2 years. This was the 7th affair that I knew about. My world was in a tailspin. I considered driving my car off a cliff or into a big tree. I got into the car but the gas tank was empty. God was protecting me. God told me this would be the last affair I would have to deal with. He assured me that He would take care of me. Our pastor sent Mark to a Christian counselor and 4 months later I joined him. Things were getting back to normal. I read every Christian book on surviving an affair and healing. (Thank you, Elisabeth!) I was fighting for my marriage. During this year we continued to go to church but were encouraged to keep everything hush-hush. 1 year later I found out that he had continued his latest affair. I told him he needed to move out. I was done.
I needed a spiritual hospital. God brought me to a new church. The first sermon I heard there was about King David, Bathsheba and forgiveness. That sermon was for me. I also knew it was OK to be broken there. God gave me a safe place to pour my heart out to Him in praise & worship and be fed. He also put a wall of protection around me. Some Sunday’s I felt as if I was the only one there. It was just what I needed to heal. My Pastor was a God send. He met with me, listened to me, encouraged me and loved me. I started getting involved in the women’s prayer group. The church came along side me. They loved me, prayed with me, cried with me & hugged me.
This is not what I thought God had in mind when He told me that was the last affair I would need to deal with but God knows what he’s doing. God has turned my hopeless, joyless situation into a life of joy and dreams for the future. He has given me a back bone and shown me that I am not a door mat. He has made me stronger than I thought I would ever have to be. He has put me in the path of other women that are going through what I went through and is using me to help them heal. I now run a DivorceCare group once a year. He has provided financially beyond my dreams and has given me back the dreams I thought had died
He is still healing and growing me and I look forward with anticipation to what He has in store for me in the next journey of my life.
If this sweet woman’s post resonated with your heart, please know that you are not alone. Here are a few resources for you:
If you would like to join my closed Facebook group called Hope & Healing, you can find it here.
If you’d like to receive my free resource “Is Your Healing Halted?”, sign up here.
If you need a nudge in your healing, I would love to work with you! Join me for one of my coaching courses.
If in a difficult marriage: Surviving in a Difficult Christian Marriage is available as a PDF/e-book: www.elisabethklein.com/books
If separated/divorced: Unraveling: Hanging onto Faith through the End of a Christian Marriage is available in paperback/e-book: http://tinyurl.com/phowp95
If a single mom: Moving on as a Christian Single Mom is available in paperback/e-book: www.elisabethklein.com/books