This is a continuation of a series every Friday where I will be highlighting the growth and healing of one of my readers, a new reader each week. These, my sweet ones, are their brave and vulnerable stories. Take heart…you are not alone.  -Elisabeth

I met my first husband when I was 19. We dated for four years before we finally married. I was actually having doubts but did it anyway. I came from a typically middle class all American family with parents that are still married, 43 years now!

At 23 years old I married a man that would be the death of me spiritually. A month after we were married he got fired and didn’t work a real job for over a year. For the rest of our marriage it was a fight for him to keep a job. He had a problem with authority and didn’t like to be told what do to. This led to financial abuse. I paid for everything except his truck note. He stole from me as well, my keepsake items from my grandmother.

He also loved weed and smoked all the time. I did make him promise me that if we ever had kids together he would quit smoking and he promised. That was the last promise he broke.

I really don’t know how long into the marriage it took but I don’t remember many times that sex was enjoyable. He basically raped me. I would cry and cry because it hurt so bad and he would get so mad. It would take him so long to finish, blaming it on me because I didn’t enjoy it.

There was verbal abuse too. Belittled me, yelled, fought, threatened me. Said if I leaved, he would kill me because if he couldn’t have me, no one could.  We brought the devil out in each other. Never did I fight so much with any one person, not even my brother growing up.

This went on for years. I felt trapped. I made a promise in front of God and friends and family and I was going to make this marriage work. Little did I realize at the time that is not what God wanted for me or anyone.

We attended The All Around Cowboy Church and was very thankful for that. As I got closer to the ladies they started seeing some of the issues. I had a friend tell me “In the flesh as a friend I would tell you to leave, but I can’t say that as a Christian.”  My Pastor at that church made a comment once to me and I know he didn’t remember saying so it could have been the Holy Spirit now thinking about it. I don’t remember the exact words, but basically said I can only put up with so much for so long. That was my first official confirmation to leave.

In 2006 he cheated on me with a lady he met at a bar down the street from our house. This woman figured out something wasn’t right and left a message on my answering machine while he was at work. We met up. Very surreal. I called him out when he was on his way home. He denied, denied, denied. Until I put her on the phone. She handed it back to me and it was a different story then. I am sure there were many more times he cheated but I have no official proof. He lied all the time (another sign of abuse). But I didn’t want a failed marriage so I took him back.

Well I became pregnant after 4 years of trying in 2009. I was so happy. When I was in the hospital for delivery, while he was out of the room, the nurse asked me out a bunch of questions that apparently they ask all moms. One was does he abuse me in any form.  I wanted so bad to tell her yes, but I wasn’t ready for the drama, heartache and issues that was going to bring. I think this was the beginning of the end.

From this experience, I lost friends, life, and emotion. I was dead.  At some point I decided I didn’t want my daughter growing up thinking it was ok to be treated like this by a man. I would rather be dead than living like this (remembering his threats).

In May of 2010 I left. He tried to get me back but I had more than one confirmation I made the right choice. It was still so hard. He went to a rehab to try and win me back, but once he got notice the divorce was final, he left.

In 2012 I started dating my current husband. God answered my prayers of and restored all and more of what I lost, spiritually, emotionally, physically and financially.



If this sweet woman’s post resonated with your heart, please know that you are not alone. Here are a few resources for you:

If you would like to join my closed Facebook group called Hope & Healing, you can find it here.
If you’d like to receive my free resource “Is Your Healing Halted?”, sign up here.
If you need a nudge in your healing, I would love to work with you! Join me for one of my coaching courses.
If in a difficult marriage: Surviving in a Difficult Christian Marriage is available as a PDF/e-book:
If separated/divorced: Unraveling: Hanging onto Faith through the End of a Christian Marriage is available in paperback/e-book:
If a single mom: Moving on as a Christian Single Mom is available in paperback/e-book:

Taking a few moments to sit quietly and focus your heart and mind on Jesus is one of the best things you can do for yourself spiritually, mentally, emotionally and even physically. Enjoy this free gift of guided meditations.

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