This is a continuation of a series every Friday where I will be highlighting the growth and healing of one of my readers, a new reader each week. These, my sweet ones, are their brave and vulnerable stories. Take heart…you are not alone. -Elisabeth
I got married at the young age of 20. The first years of marriage were very difficult with some financial difficulties, a small amount of physical abuse, lots of emotional abuse among other things. My son was born in 1998. My daughter was born in 2002. I had decided to have my tubes tied while in the hospital. The postpartum this time was overwhelming. I had always had to work a full-time job along with being a mother. I have never felt the depth of love that a mother feels for her children and it was absolutely awesome.
I had severe problems from having my tubes tied and ended up having a hysterectomy around 2003-04. After this, I had severe deep dark depression. I was put on medication which made it worse. I ended up with a total breakdown and finally found a medicine that helped some but it has never gone away. I loved my children more than the air I breathed and did everything I could to be a great mother and make sure they had all they needed. I already had begun to think about not wanting them to ever grow up. My marriage became even more difficult and I always felt unhappy no matter what. I prayed to God it would get better but never did.
In 2015, my mother suffered a massive stoke. Through the Grace of God and lots of rehab, she recovered to the point of being able to get around slowly with a brace and walker but no use of her right arm and hand. This requires a lot from me as she had to be cared for. My sister-in-law and I took turns staying with her at night for almost a year. At this point she finally had become well enough to stay alone at night. We still take turns on the weekends. I felt like my mother needed me and at the same time had two teenage children that very much needed their mother.
In June of 2016, my husband and I had an argument and my husband stated he just couldn’t keep on with things the way they were. I asked him to leave but he said he would not, that I would have to. I couldn’t leave my children!! They were my life. I already felt as if I were losing my son because he was about to be a senior and then would be going to college. The only way for a no-fault divorce in our state is to live separate and apart for one year. So, I prayed, thought and decided it was best for me to leave. I explained to both him and my children that I was not leaving them, that our time would be 50/50 split. I could not force my son to come stay with me because he was 17. My daughter stays with me every other week. I made constant attempts to talk to and see my son as well but he still will not come stay overnight.
My husband and I were divorced in the summer of 2017 after being married 23 years. My attorney had begged me to ask for child support, alimony and part of his retirement as I would be entitled to that. However, in hopes to make things friendlier for us and hopes we could be better co-parents, I did not ask for any of this. His salary is nearly three times what mine is. This was so unfair that I was missing having my son home with me during his senior year. I did constantly continue to try and make things right with him and get him to understand the situation. I will never stop trying with this! My son left to go to college in the fall nearly four hours away and that has absolutely broken my heart.
Throughout all the emotions and difficulties in my life the past few years, I have struggled even more with the depression. I constantly pray and do Bible studies but nothing seems to help. I know it is only by God’s grace I am here today and apparently there is a purpose for me.
Please pray for my continued healing and my faith to grown even stronger. Surely there is a purpose for my pain. In the meantime, I will continue to focus day to day on my favorite Bible verse: “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3: 5-6.
Surely, I am NOT ALONE! My God is always walking beside me every day.
If this sweet woman’s post resonated with your heart, please know that you are not alone. Here are a few resources for you:
If you would like to join my closed Facebook group called Hope & Healing, you can find it here.
If you’d like to receive my free resource “Is Your Healing Halted?”, sign up here.
If you need a nudge in your healing, I would love to work with you! Join me for one of my mentoring courses.
If in a difficult marriage: Surviving in a Difficult Christian Marriage is available as a PDF/e-book: www.elisabethklein.com/books
If separated/divorced: Unraveling: Hanging onto Faith through the End of a Christian Marriage is available in paperback/e-book: http://tinyurl.com/phowp95
If a single mom: Moving on as a Christian Single Mom is available in paperback/e-book: www.elisabethklein.com/books