The other day, I wanted to jump on Facebook – you know, that place that is such an accurate reflection of everyone’s lives and hearts – and say, “Please raise your hand if you find it really difficult just being a person.”
I’ve talked about this before, my feeling more broken than the average person, my lack of mastery over being a human, this slight melancholia and discontent, despite my deep, deep gratitude and grounding joy and hope that anchors my soul.
I recently wrote this in my journal:
Fill me up again today, I leak so much. Heal my wounds again today, I have fresh ones. Meet me in my pain and mess and anxiety, I feel so uncomfortable as a human being sometimes.
Truly. I sometimes don’t know how to just live this life, there can be so much pain.
I mean, I do it. I get out of bed. I make some tea. I light a candle and turn on some quiet music and light a fire in the fireplace. I spend time with Jesus. I get to work. I do laundry and I write and I speak and I mentor and I do the dishes and pick up some groceries and check off my to-do list like everyone else in the world. I try to love the people in my life either face-to-face or through other virtual means. And then I go to sleep and start the whole thing over again.
I understand the mechanics of living life.
But I come back to this phrase from author Ann Voskamp: What will you do with your one broken heart?
I wrestle with mine. And I grieve it. And I feel awkward carrying it around, like I’m the only one. And I bandage it up. And it gets re-broken time and time again. And I bring it to Jesus, over and over and over. And I hint at needing healing or I ask for healing or I beg for healing. And I recoil when I’m hurt. And I sometimes lash back, though usually just in my own head. But if you hurt me, the wall may go up a little higher, or I may codependently keep trying to win you over. (#hotmess)
And on better days, on most days even when I don’t feel like it, I take my one broken heart and I hold it out to the world and let it propel me to reach out and help another woman who has a broken heart too.
So, if you feel at all like this – like maybe you missed the meeting or that gene skipped over you of how to get through life and make it look easy – I want to invite you to join me.
I’m beginning a new closed Facebook group for women who love God and who do not have their act together and who want to grow closer to Jesus and who are hurting or broken or stuck for any reason at all, for the purpose of encouraging each other and praying for each other and looking for God in all of it. I’ll be filling up the group with encouragement and resources, because I want to continue to take my pain and continue to place it in God’s hands and continue to see what he’ll do with it.
This new group is opening for YOU on January 1, but you can request to join today! You can find Hope & Healing with Elisabeth Klein here. I’d love for you become a part of this journey with me of finding God and hope and healing in every part of our lives.
Let’s move forward in our healing and press into God together,