This is a continuation of a series every Friday where I will be highlighting the growth and healing of one of my readers, a new reader each week. These, my sweet ones, are their brave and vulnerable stories. Take heart…you are not alone. -Elisabeth
This morning, I came across my final chiropractic appointment reminder card from the day my daughter was born. This was my last ditch attempt to get Palyn to flip so I could have a VBAC and not another c-section. But, as He frequently does, God had a better plan.
I had tried everything. Absolutely everything trying to turn her. And every night, she would try desperately to turn around and get where she needed to be, but she would reach a certain point and then she would go back. It was like something would literally jerk her back into place once she reached that certain point and she go right back to where she was before. Towards the end, it was downright painful to feel her doing this & it was incredibly wild to watch my belly contort with her movements.
They checked her position one more time via ultrasound before I went in for the nerve block & sure enough, she was still most certainly breech.
Even though it was a scheduled c-section, my body was in full blown labor trying to use its own might to turn this little girl & get her out. I laughed and grimaced when they asked if I felt those contractions when they hooked me up to the monitor. They were shocked by the sharp waves on the screen and it was as if Palyn were trying to make sure she got the last word about her arrival. The c-section may have been scheduled, but she had already picked the day. Seeing her temperament now, this was all too fitting!
I remember being terrified because my husband could not come in the OR with me for the nerve block. I cried and clung to a nurse as they did the block & finally they let him in and they went into get her. There was an audible silence and evey fiber of my being was screaming because I knew something was wrong.
I heard them pull her out, but there was nothing. The room was stone silent. There was no cry reverberating against the tiles of the operating room. After what quite literally seemed like an eternity, my doctor let out an, “Ahhhh” as Palyn let out her first cries. It was the most beautiful sound I had ever heard. Tears streamed down my face.
Later, I came to understand that the umbilical cord had been wrapped around her neck, not one, not two, but three times. Each time she had tried to move in my belly & right her position, she would move as far as she could until she reached the limits of her tether & would then be pulled back. Understanding this, it made all of her movements make so much more sense. And to think, I had spent so many nights trying to coax her to move beyond that point, not realizing that her continued movement that direction would have potentially proven fatal.
And yet, God was bigger. He protected me from my need to control & fix. He helped Palyn to grow strong & healthy despite her constricting position in the womb.
And so, when I came across this card today, I was reminded to always trust that God is bigger than whatever I am trying to fix, control, or trudge my way through. We may make plans or even try to move in directions that are potentially hazardous, but He is always bigger than our designs. And more often than not, he is always trying to stay one step ahead of us & protect us… more often than not…from ourselves.
Even to your old age and gray hairs, I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.” -Isaiah 46:4
If this sweet woman’s post resonated with your heart, please know that you are not alone. Here are a few resources for you:
If you would like to join one my private Facebook groups (difficult marriage, separated/divorced, single moms, remarried), please email me at email@example.com.
If in a difficult marriage: Surviving in a Difficult Christian Marriage is available as a PDF/e-book: www.elisabethklein.com/books
If separated/divorced: Unraveling: Hanging onto Faith through the End of a Christian Marriage is available in paperback/e-book: http://tinyurl.com/phowp95
If a single mom: Moving on as a Christian Single Mom is available in paperback/e-book: www.elisabethklein.com/books
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