This is a continuation of a series every Friday where I will be highlighting the growth and healing of one of my readers, a new reader each week. These, my sweet ones, are their brave and vulnerable stories. Take heart…you are not alone. -Elisabeth
“She was in her room sleeping. I was down the hall in my room sleeping. She was having a nightmare, but didn’t know it yet. In the nightmare she heard me screaming ‘mommy help me’. So she got up and came to my room. The door was locked. She could hear me screaming, crying, and strange noises. She couldn’t get the door open. She tried hitting it, and kicking it. It wouldn’t budge. My cries for help got more intense. She said ‘God help me, this is a child of the Lord’. The door opened, Then she heard a voice say ‘Ephesians 6’. She woke up in a panic. After checking on me, she looked it up. It was about putting on the full armor of the Lord.”
My mom has reminded me of her dream hundreds of times. Ephesians 6 has been a recurring theme in my life. The first time it came up was when I was 4 years old. This is spiritual warfare. God has equipped me for battle.
I’ve been under attack my whole life. I was horribly abused, tortured, neglected, and abandoned. I was told I was “unwanted and should never have been born”. I was “too stupid to go to college”. I was “pitiful, pathetic, repulsive, and disgusting”. I believed it. I felt unloved, unwanted, rejected, and alone. I felt “not good enough”. I tried so hard to be perfect. I couldn’t do it. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t be enough.
I have been raped by someone I thought was a friend. I have been homeless. I have been injured in an accident which ended my career as a medical laboratory scientist. I have been plagued by autoimmune diseases; and crippled and deformed by surgical errors. I lost the best friend I’ve ever had to suicide. Christie was like a sister to me. She was a broken person too. My friend Becky was murdered by her boyfriend. I have had disastrous relationships which left me more broken. At one point I gave up. I wanted out. I tried to end my own life. I almost succeeded. Thankfully, I didn’t.
The enemy is here to kill, steal, and destroy. He lies. Depression lies. I believed the lies. Don’t believe them.
My marriage was a nightmare. He had another woman, and home, in another town. He was unstable, violent, unpredictable, and unwilling to get help. I’ve been assaulted by him more times than I can count. I ended our marriage in December 2010. They still stalk me.
Life has been hard. God never promised life as a Christian would be easy. In fact it will be harder. But it will be worth it.
God has always been there for me, crying with me, protecting me, healing me. I may not have felt His presence in the moment, but when I look back over my life, I know He was there. During times of despair, I cried out to Jesus, and He came. I stopped trying to get by on my own. I can’t. But with Him, all things are possible. At times, He was all I had. He is all I need. He is more than enough.
Darkness and light can’t exist in the same place at the same time. I choose to live in the light. I have been saved, redeemed, and restored. I no longer feel unloved, unworthy, or ashamed. I have learned to forgive and let go. God has a plan. I trust His plan. Nothing will be wasted. As long as we are alive there’s hope. Beauty from Ashes.
-Tracy
If this sweet woman’s post resonated with your heart, please know that you are not alone. Here are a few resources for you:
If you would like to join one my private Facebook groups (difficult marriage, separated/divorced, single moms, remarried), please email me at elisabeth@elisabethklein.com.
If in a difficult marriage: Surviving in a Difficult Christian Marriage is available as a PDF/e-book: www.elisabethklein.com/books
If separated/divorced: Unraveling: Hanging onto Faith through the End of a Christian Marriage is available in paperback/e-book: http://tinyurl.com/phowp95
If a single mom: Moving on as a Christian Single Mom is available in paperback/e-book: www.elisabethklein.com/books
If you need a nudge in your healing, I would love to work with you! Join me for one of my mentoring courses.
If you’d like to receive my free resource “Is Your Healing Halted?”, sign up here.
