Dear people I love,
I love each one of you deeply. But I cannot “make” you feel loved.
I want each one of you to be holy.
I want each one of you to be whole.
I want each one of you to be happy.
I want each one of you to live with purpose and passion.
I want each one of you to be okay.
I want each one of you to like me. (oy)
But I cannot accomplish ANY OF THESE THINGS for you, no matter what I say, no matter what I do, no matter what I pray.
You are each responsible for your own lives, your own holiness, your own wholeness, your own happiness, your own purpose, your own okay-ness, your own relationships.
I have been trying – unsuccessfully – to make you all feel loved, to build bridges and connections, to put out fires, to apologize repeatedly for things I’ve said and done and for things others have said and done and for things I haven’t said or done that you think I’ve said or done.
I have nothing to show for it but my exhaustion. I have still managed to hurt each one of you. I CANNOT WIN.
Jesus never told me to take on these tasks and roles. I did this to myself. I thought it’s what it meant to be a “good” Christian wife, mother and stepmother. But I was wrong and today I am proclaiming that I am done.
If you want to be loved, love.
If you want to be close to someone, get closer.
If you want to be holy, spend time with Jesus.
If you want to be whole, talk out your feelings, keep a journal, get a mentor, go to counseling.
If you want to be happy, figure out what you love and do more of it.
If you want a relationship with me, it’s here for the taking.
If you want purpose and passion, figure out how God created you and then do something about it.
If you want to be okay, determine what “okay” looks like for you, and then, you know, take some steps.
I love you more than you may ever understand.
I pray for you every day.
I hope for love and peace and joy and Jesus for you.
And I am right here ready and willing to love and support you.
But YOU are responsible for YOU.
-Beth (aka wife, mom, stepmom, friend, coach, whatever…)