One of the aspects I love most about my MarriageMentor/DivorceMentor courses is being able to talk one-on-one with my sweet clients, women I would never have a chance to get to know otherwise. And in our phone conversations recently, there has been a theme bubbling up:

They are wondering if they will ever meet and remarry a good man.

And I so totally get it, I really do. Throughout my difficult marriage – though I shouldn’t have been – I allowed myself to wonder if someday down the road I would maybe find myself in a good marriage with a man who truly knew me and loved me. And then after my divorce – though I did plan to remain single for the rest of my life (truly!) – I would find myself daydreaming occasionally about being swept off my feet. It’s only natural.

But, I have some thoughts…

Dear sweet woman longing to be in a good marriage with a good man who loves you,

Fact: I don’t know your relational fate. Neither do you.

Fact: There is no guarantee in this life that you will marry or remarry a good, kind man and have what you’ve been dreaming about and praying for relationally. Happily ever after is not in the Bible regarding marriage.

But there IS a promise out there, for you:

“I have come to give you life, and give it to the full.” -Jesus

So, FACT: what this means is that Jesus offers you abundant life.
And, FACT: it’s your choice whether you step into it and accept that gift and live it out. (Read that sentence again: it is your choicetruly.)

No matter what your circumstances are…
never married,
in a difficult marriage,
single mom,
looking for Mr. Right,
seriously, whatever.

No husband or bad husband or ex-husband or deceased husband or deadbeat husband or looking for a husband.

And you might be thinking, “Easy for you to say, Beth…you found yourself a good man…you got your second chance at love.”

That part is true.

But what’s even more true is this:

I lived an abundant life when I was in my difficult marriage, even in the longing.
And I lived an abundant life when I was separated, even in the confusion and heartbreak.
And I lived an abundant life when I was a divorced, single mom, even in the transition and rebuilding and unknowns.
And I am living an abundant life as a remarried wife, mom and stepmom, even in the midst of regular life ups and downs.

Because Jesus offered it to me and because I chose (and choose) to accept it.

So, instead of worrying and wondering what will become of you and your romantic life (though, trust me, sweet one…I truly get it), just for today, try asking God what he wants to do with you, ask God to reveal to you your abundant life, and just for today, choose to accept it and live in it and pursue it, because just the fact that you have breath in your lungs is a gift and worth celebrating.

God, not your marital status, defines your life. -I Corinthians 7 (Msg)

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Life isn't always how we want it. When change seems elusive, and we're stuck in old routines, a gentle push or some self-reflection can make a difference. Let these questions be that nudge to get you moving.

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