I claim to not be a fan of drama, to be grateful for the circumstantial and relational peace that settled over my life post-divorce. And, trust me, I am. The chaos was constant and it was decades-long and it was killing me.
But something interesting recently happened.
I had an issue arise regarding one of my children. It brought out the Mama Bear in me and I was ticked. I had every intention of giving this person my two-cents (what we call in my family a “Klein letter”), writing it and rewriting it in my head. I even went so far as to attempt to schedule a meeting with the person to hash out my issue. I was sort of feeding off of it.
But then I stepped back for a couple days, and I asked myself, “What would happen if I just didn’t pursue this? If I didn’t stay tangled up in what was on the verge of becoming a messy situation? If I just let this go and I just moved on, even without closure, even without getting my way, even without saying my piece?”
And I realized that what would more than likely happen is that something would come to pass that I didn’t like but it wasn’t truly a big deal in the grand scheme of life, and in a couple weeks it would be behind me, and I’d be over it. My world would not, indeed, fall apart. And I would be just fine. As would said child. (What a concept.)
And I realized that if I did pursue it and write an email and set up a meeting, that I would be nervous for days and days. And I would be filling up my mental space with toxicity. And I would be wasting a heck of a lot of my time and emotional reserves. And I would be engaging in a dance with someone I consider to be a bully. And for what? Something pretty darn small in the big picture of life. Especially because I probably wasn’t going to end up with the outcome I was desiring.
So, I simply deleted “write —–” from my to-do list. And I told my husband I was letting it go, that I wasn’t going to say all the juicy things that I wanted to say to this person. And then I moved on.
Now, I do not always do this. In fact, this might have been a first. But I do think I might try this a bit more often. I tend to be like a dog with a bone, but if I can begin to train myself to drop those bones that taste disgusting in my mouth or that are hurting me or that are simply time-suckers and nothing else, my life and my heart and my mind will be freer, and my good relationships might even be a bit stronger, and I’ll have more time and space in my life to focus on what is real and true and life-giving.
Ask yourself these questions:
What will I accomplish by inserting myself into this escalating situation?
(If on the verge of emailing, calling or texting someone…) Do I NEED to know this information or do I simply WANT to know?
Is there an issue in my life that is consuming my thoughts that – if I were to take a step back – I could see that dropping it and moving on might just be the healthiest thing I could do?
…forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on… –Philippians 3
SO TRUE!! I’m still learning this skill myself, but what a difference it makes!! Thanks for the encouragement!
Agreed!! Some situations aren’t worth getting worked up over….. especially if the other party is a “Crazymaker” …. if they’re like my Ex, they will get their fix from the drama and their not open to hearing how they’ve hurt someone anyways!!
So I too have worked on letting a situation go and turning them over to God to deal with. This can sometimes be the most healthy option for my own sanity! I now try to remember to ask God help me decide what to do instead of letting my knee-jerk reaction make it for me…..
And waiting too, is huge for me to let my emotions calm down first. Good post!
Agreed….letting go is the start of peaceful and sane living.