I hear something like this a few times a week:

“You give me hope that there’s so much more beyond the pain and sadness.”

These women are almost all referring to the fact that I was once in a difficult marriage and then I went through a difficult divorce and I have since fallen in love and have married a very, very good, kind, sweet man.

And I appreciate the well wishes, I truly do. Especially seeing as my tagline is ‘helping hurting women by bringing them hope’. I want to be a hope-dispenser, a hope-amplifier.

I want every woman to have hope, absolutely. Hope is a gorgeous thing. Hope keeps us going when nothing else will.

But, in case I haven’t been clear over the years, my life has not been one huge hard season followed by grieving and healing and then now a life of skipping through wildflowers with a cute man and a huge grin on my face.

Umm, no.

My life – every single day – has had pain and has had joy. Just like yours.

(Hard marriage, no marriage, good marriage….pain and joy.)

There is not a destination where the pain and sadness come to an end. Okay, well, there is, but that’s called Heaven. That’s called when we’re finally with Jesus face-to-face.  But that’s not a destination here and now on this earth as things are.

So, yes, please, please, please have hope.

Yes, please, please, please know that you will not always feel the way that you feel today in your difficult marriage or in your divorce.

Yes, you can become more whole.
Yes, you will heal.
Yes, you more than likely experience happy moments.
And perhaps, you may fall in love with a good man.

But being happy just isn’t the end-all-be-all of this life as followers of Jesus. (Happiness is great; but it’s not “it”.)

And being in love isn’t the goal for every sad and/or single person. (Being in love is great; but it’s also not “it”.)

(Happiness and in-love-ness are not guaranteed for us in Scripture. Though we are commanded to be joyful and to be loving.)

But once you get through a hard time and you’re on even ground and you can look back and see how much you learned and how much you’ve grown and changed…be grateful…take some deep breaths…but know this: the cycle will just start up again.

It’s not hard > miracle/healing > amazing amazing amazing amazing amazing into the sunset.

It’s hard / amazing / hard / amazing / hard / amazing, with Jesus Jesus Jesus Jesus Jesus all the way through.

In this world, we WILL have trouble. It’s the given, not the exception.  Stop being so surprised each time something bad happens. (I’m preaching to myself here.) We’re told lots and lots of bad things are going to happen to us, around us, to those we love. (And even if Scripture didn’t tell us that, just look around. We KNOW this to be true.)

Our pain isn’t something to run from or try to numb away. Our pain doesn’t diminish our joy; in fact, if you let it, it can make you even more grateful for your joy.

And walking through pain after pain after pain is normal. It doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong. Glennon Melton says, “Life isn’t hard because you’re living life wrong. Life is just hard.”

If you’re in the middle of a deep joy, and you’ve got some pain mixed in too…that doesn’t mean you’re weak or not faithful enough or not as healed as you think you are. It means you’re human, sweet one.

And if you’re in the middle of some deep pain, but you’ve got some joy mixed in too…thank Jesus, relish in those moments, but then open up your heart and mind and eyes and hands to what God has for you in both. Because both the joy and the pain are gifts. And both your joy and your pain matter.

…Christ Jesus our {only, one true, complete, never-leaving-us} hope… -I Timothy 1:1

Jesus, please help me just for today to not dwell on my yesterdays and to not borrow trouble from my tomorrows but to live in your very-present hope in just this moment in front of me. Amen.

If you’re having a hard time in your marriage or divorce or remarriage or in your single mothering, email me at elisabeth@elisabethklein.com and I’ll add you to one of my private Facebook groups.