Directly from my journal, this weekend…(so you don’t feel so alone…)
This is what I know:
You, God, have been faithful and good to me for 45-1/2 years.
You love me.
You have rescued me time and again.
You have brought me back to life over and over.
In this world, we have trouble.
I am in a difficult season, where sadness, confusion, anxiety and defeat are reigning.
I am sick and tired of it.
I cannot change my reality. (There are hard, hard things that are breaking my heart running as the background noise in my life at all times right now, that I can do next to nothing about.)
There are good, good things in my life that I can celebrate and lean into and be so grateful for.
You do not want me walking around defeated. Why? Because I have not been defeated! Because you have overcome the world!
If I keep walking and moving towards you and begging for healing and trying to sow some seeds – like loving my husband, loving all of my children, loving my friends, writing, mentoring, even in my pain – you WILL restore my joy and you WILL bring good from it all.
Today, you are renewing me inwardly, moment by moment, even when I don’t feel it. Thank you.
Therefore, we are not cowards, we faint not, we do not lose heart, we are not discouraged, we do not give up. Though outwardly we are wasting away, our spirits are being renewed every day. –II Corinthians 4:16