Many years ago, a woman tried to encourage me in my difficult marriage with this verse:

“The LORD says, ‘I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten…’” – Joel 2:25a

I say she tried to encourage me with those words because I could not see what she possibly could’ve meant while in the middle of my pain. I couldn’t see any hope.  I couldn’t see any change. I couldn’t see ever being in a loving relationship.

When that woman had given me that verse, her intent – which I fully understand – was that God would repay the years the locust had eaten from my first marriage somehow within my first marriage. That was her hope. (That was many people’s hopes.) That was even my hope for a very long time.  But that is not what happened.

Fast forward several years. Twenty years of a hard relationship behind me plus four years of navigating being a single woman and a single mother in my rearview mirror, and I am remarried to a different man.

And on an almost daily basis, I am bowled over by the ways in which God is repaying me for that twenty years of angst and ache and longing.

Allow me to share some of those moments with you.

Then:
Me: I went to Target.
Response: Show me everything you bought…  What did you get Q-Tips for?
Me: ummm…I’m sorry… (crying in the bathroom…)

Present Day:
Me: Hi honey.
Response: (texts a screenshot of a Facebook post of a sale going on at a local boutique) and says, “sale”.
Me: What kind of husband texts his wife about a clothing sale?
Response: Go get outfit, my cute wife.
Me: My heart, self-esteem, and mind being healed and restored and brought back to life.

Then:
Me: Umm, I can’t get into our checking account online. Do you know if something is up with our account?
Response: I blocked you. You can’t be trusted.
Me: (panic set in…called church for help…)

Present Day:
Me: Want me to set up automatic bill pay on your account?
Response: Good idea. Here are all my passwords. And let’s combine our accounts.
Me: My heart, self-esteem, and mind being healed and restored and brought back to life.

Then:
Me: I’m sorry the photographer took so long after the wedding taking our pictures.
Response: Yeah, that was pretty much an abortion.
Me: (walked up to the bartender and asked for a shot and told him to keep ‘em coming to the girl in white…)

Present Day:
Me: Honey, how much or how little involvement do you want in planning our wedding?
Response: As much or as little as  you want me to have. I just want you to be happy.
Me: My heart, self-esteem, and mind being healed and restored and brought back to life.

Then:
Me: I was just asked to speak at a church in California!
Response: Huh…I didn’t think you were worthy of being flown out…
Me: dagger in heart, self-esteem in pieces, mind beginning to make agreements like ‘you’re right…I’m not…I should probably say no…’…

Present Day:
Me: I was just asked to lead a retreat in Tennessee!
Response: That’s great, baby! I’m so proud of you. (He later proceeds to pray me up…)
Me: My heart, self-esteem, and mind being healed and restored and brought back to life.

I could go on and on and on and on and on. It happens every day, several times a day. When an old wound is brought healing from Jesus through my sweet gift of a husband.

I know that God – through my new marriage – is repaying the years the locusts have eaten from my life. I also know that there was no way for me to know that all the way back then, and that I shouldn’t have longed for that miracle; instead longing for God’s healing as a whole. And I also know that there is no way for me or you to know if this is how God will repay the years the locusts have eaten in your life.  He very well might; but he also may have something else equally breath-taking in mind for you.

But either way, I know that he will, and you can know that he will, because God always, always, always does what he says, even if it looks completely different than how we think it might look.

But regardless, thank you, thank you, thank you, sweet Baby Jesus, for bringing me back to life.