I get emails from strangers frequently asking me very specific advice about their situations. I always answer pretty much the same way:

I’m so sorry for your pain [and I truly am]. My suggestion would be to find a Christian counselor, a Bible-believing church, and a mentor.

And I sometimes get back a reply like, “I figured you’d say that,” or “I have no one to talk to.”


This may sound harsh – which I don’t mean to be – but I believe it to be true:

You are not as alone as you think you are.

You may feel alone. You may live in a small town. You may feel there is no one who will understand your situation. You may feel that if someone knew what your marriage were really like, your whole world would implode. You may feel that you are being judged because you are divorcing and that your church or your group of friends or your family have turned their back on you.

And all of those things may be true.

But in our day and age, there are always, always ways to find support.

In person, even if you have to drive a bit. We actually had a gal in our Unraveling small group who drove NINETY-FIVE MILES ONE WAY to get to our group. (That woman is determined. And her determination paid off in that she said she didn’t feel alone just knowing we were there for her.)

You can find a support group:
Celebrate Recovery

You can find a counselor through Christian Counselor Finder, and though it sometimes is expensive, most places work with a sliding scale or take insurance.

You can pray and look around and ask someone to be your mentor.

Online. You can join one of my private Facebook groups for women in difficult marriages, restoring marriages, going through a separation/divorce, or for single moms, by emailing me.

You can sign up for my mailing list to be notified when I’m offering the next round of MarriageMentor and DivorceMentor virtual courses (hint: February 2016). Here’s what one sweet mentoree said about DivorceMentor: “I wanted to thank you for {offering this program}. It really means a lot to me. I already feel less alone than I did a month ago.” –EW

Books are an amazing way to feel like someone gets you when you feel completely misunderstood. Here are my top picks, some mine, some not:

Surviving in a Difficult Christian Marriage
The Emotionally Destructive Marriage by Leslie Vernick
Unraveling: Hanging onto Faith through the End of a Christian Marriage
Moving On as a Single Christian Mom
Holidays for the Hurting: 25 Devotions to Help You Heal

Now, I know that all of these steps take varying degrees of courage and some perseverance. But I am certain that God did not create us to live in isolation, so if you are feeling lonely and alone, that is not his desire for you, and he has given you what you need to find a solution to this circumstance.

Let me caution you. I remember vividly being in situations during my first marriage – in small groups or meeting one-on-one with women – where the door was wide open for me to share about my circumstances and I didn’t walk through it. For, like, fifteen years. I chose to isolate. For many reasons, really. In part, I was in denial how bad things really were. I was afraid of someone affirming how bad things were because then what was I going to do? I was afraid of people finding out about the true state of my marriage because I thought I’d be asked to step down from ministry, because I loved the picture I was painting of the perfect Christian family. I, in large part, kept my marriage the way it was because it was my normal and anything outside of that terrified me.

But, sweet one, if you or your children are being abused, if there is addiction, if there is infidelity, this is not normal. It is not what God designed for marriage. And just the fact that you have emailed me at some point or are reading this blog right now says to me that you know that.

It’s time to get help. It will be scary, but you can do this. So, pray, be open minded, and then take a step forward. Your healing and your heart and your wholeness are depending on it.

You are not alone.

The Lord your God is with you, a mighty one who will save. He takes great delight in you; he quiets you with his love; he rejoices over you with singing. -Zephaniah 3:17

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