My private Facebook groups are nearing fifteen hundred women. That continues to blow me away…in the sadness that there are so many of us who are reeling from broken relationships…and in the gratitude that we are finding that we are not as alone as we once thought we were.
But something happened recently that stopped me in my tracks. I found out that a former member of one of my groups – who left because she wasn’t feeling as supported as she felt she needed – took her life, leaving behind two children, family, friends.
I’m not sure what to do with that. I am brokenhearted for the depth of pain she was in, and for her children, of course. And my knee-jerk reaction was to shut down all the groups because I can’t have this kind of responsibility on my head anymore, because there’s too much pain and I can’t fix it. And yet I know that I did not do this to her. That there was nothing I could have said or done, nothing the other women in the group could have said or done.
We are not little saviors. There is only one Healer.
And though I cannot heal anyone else – I can’t even heal myself – I know that for her and for the rest of the women still in marriages that leave them wanting to die (I was there once, I remember that pain so clearly) and for the women who are no longer in their marriages and are having a hard time moving forward, the groups will stay open and I will keep doing what I’m doing.
So if you find yourself in the darkest of places as you trudge day to day through your difficult marriage, and you don’t know if you can do this thing even one more moment, let alone another day; or if your marriage is ending or has ended and you can’t seem to find your normal again, if peace is alluding you, if you can’t remember the last time you cracked a smile let alone slept well or breathed in deeply because of contentment, please know this.
You are not alone.
You will not always feel this way.
Your life will not always look this way.
Anything can change at any given moment.
A lot can happen in a day, a week, a month, a year.
If you feel a heaviness that won’t lift, please reach out. I want to offer you the resources that I’ve compiled and I implore you to ask for help. You do not have to face your situation or your life on your own.
If you are contemplating ending your life, please, please call the Suicide Prevention Hotline at 800-273-8255.
If interested in joining one of my private Facebook groups for women in difficult marriages, those separated or divorced, or single moms, email me.
If you or your children are being abused, call the National Abuse Hotline: 800-799-7233
If you need a safe place to stay: https://www.domesticshelters.org/
If you need to find a counselor: Christian Counselor Finder
If you need to put together a safety plan: http://www.domesticviolence.org/personalized-safety-plan/
If you need legal help: http://administerjustice.org/
If you like to read:
World Split Open by Elisabeth Klein
The Emotionally Destructive Marriage by Leslie Vernick
Unraveling: Hanging onto Faith through the End of a Christian Marriage by Elisabeth Klein
You will get through this, sweet girl. Your life is not over. God can heal you, God will heal you, God is healing you. Just hold on.
I will restore you to health and heal your wounds, declares the Lord. –Jeremiah 30:17