My almost-seventeen-year-old son came home tonight with the weight of the world on his shoulders, feeling blamed for something that couldn’t even remotely be considered his fault. He’s being gaslighted, I’m afraid, and it makes me crazy to my core to watch it happen from the sidelines.
This mess we’re in, he said, is all my fault.
In my head, I was screaming, NO, IT’S NOT! IT’S _____ FAULT! AGAIN!
But that’s not what I said. I used softer words and a softer-than-usual-for-me tone. And I reminded him all the ways all this didn’t add up, and all the ways it couldn’t possibly be his fault, and that even if it were, it was not the end of the world and I was not in a million years angry with him.
And then I prayed. I prayed for the guilt and anger to be released off of him. And I prayed for the truth to be revealed, because God can do that…because GOD knows the truth. And I prayed for wisdom, to know things we can’t know in our human strength, because God has done that for me…because God has been my truth-revealer time and time again.
To be honest, I don’t need God to show up. Let me clarify: I’ve got twenty-nine years of God showing up in big and little ways. But my son, he’s still kinda new at this, this having faith in something you can’t see. He’s become this young man who knows right from wrong and stands up for it and it’s breathtaking for a mother to watch.
But he needs this. He needs God to show up. He needs to see that when we ask for wisdom that what God’s word says is true and he will give it. He needs to see that when we ask to know things we can’t possibly know that what God’s word says is true and he will reveal it. He needs to see that there are lies all around and light can cut through all of that.
He needs to see that when evil seems to be winning, that good will win out.
He needs to see that God will swoop in and save the day. I know God doesn’t always do this in the ways we want but I really think my son needs to see this.
And tonight, he needs God to lift his burden, like God’s word says he will, because he’s hurting and torn and in the middle and it’s not his fault and he needs to know and feel in his bones that it’s not his fault.
So tonight I’m asking God to show up, not for me, but for my son. And I’m hoping and choosing to believe he will.
Our soul waits for the LORD: he is our help and our shield. –Psalm 33:20
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So, so hard and I get it. It is infuriating to see our children endure the abuse I did for years. I pray they each become wiser long before I did. May the Lord reveal Himself and truth.
Elisabeth,
As Missy, I get it too…..I had a situation 13 years ago, one of gossip. I knew it was God’s battle and revenge and walked away from it…..Today, a little wiser, I feel I should have ask the question “Who is dealing with it?” Just food for thought…..not having all the facts…..just sojourning with you through life….
Praying…..
AMEN! and AMEN!! I love it when God confirms that I am not alone in this struggle as a single mom. (well, you’re not single now, but you know what I mean) My son is in a place of choosing and deciding things, and I am praying the same prayer for him, that God will show up for him and confirm the directions of his choices. This is the scariest place I’ve been with my son yet (he’s 20 and has decided he wants to move from Alabama to Texas to pursue his calling. The earthly part of me is about to have a total fit, but my spirit has peace. I am begging God to show up for me and my son right now. It’s tough!! The enemy is doing major warfare to stop God’s healing and progress in our lives, and we are choosing to stand and fight. The temptation to feel alone in all of this (my ex has no clue what is going on – my son’s choice) is strong, but I’m setting healthy boundaries and trusting God to reveal His truth. I’d appreciate your prayers. I look forward to hearing how God shows up for you son.
I’m reading this with tears streaming down my face as I’m also glancing at my little guy napping. We left when he was 5 and 1/2 months old so he’s never know his daddy and me together and I pray that helps him when he realizes our family is ‘different’ from others, but I can’t help but beg God to show up and surround him every moment, every day, forever. I know that God has done this already, and is still doing this, but thinking about my Bubs and everything that’s going to hit him at age 5 or 10 or 13 or 17 makes my soul wail. Not only will he have the normal awkward and messiness of growing up, he’s going to have this separation of momma and daddy to sort through too. Oh Lord!