So, I shared that I’m kinda scared to get married again. But I’m not the kind of person to shy away from things that scare me. And I’m not the kind of person to bury my head in the sand. If something scares me, I move forward while doing my due diligence.
So here are a few of the things I’ve been doing to get ready for this transition.
I am literally making room for Tall-Shadow. I feel like I did before I had Sara and Jack: I’m nesting. It’s the weirdest thing. I spent a week or so going through every room in my house throwing out stuff I didn’t need, making literal room for him and his things.
In a post I wrote a ways back where I talked about being terrified to date and remarry, I referenced not wanting to give up part of my closet as one of my big reasons (shallow, anyone??). So I hired a closet organization company to come in and prepare my master bedroom closet to hold double the clothing, even designing a fun little wall at the back.
Also, I just got done somewhat redoing my office, where I hired a friend of a friend as a surprise to come in and hang up some of my sweet man’s memorabilia like his grandfather’s electric guitar (so cool), an antique telephone, a picture of his platoon that I framed, his army coat with all its pins, and his favorite (huge) Michael Jordan famous “wings” print.
I’m also adding his knickknacks to the living room and have framed some prints of him and his kids.
I’ve been very clear with him for a while now that I don’t want him to feel like he’s invading my space or like he’s a guest here. This is no longer my home; it’s already his home (even though he won’t start living here until after the honeymoon). I will get rid of anything to make room for anything; I don’t want a thing to come before him.
I also spent some time going through my hope chest and old photographs, getting rid of anything from my past that no longer has a place here. That process took a couple hours and, I have to admit, wasn’t easy. But to honor him, I’m glad I did it.
To prepare my heart, I’m reading a couple books, like The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages (Feldhahn) and 101 Tips for the Smart Stepmom (Petherbridge). And You and Me Forever: Marriage in Light of Eternity (Chan) and The ZimZum of Love: A New Way of Understanding Marriage (Bell) are also on my Kindle.
I’ve also written out a list of expected changes, journaling what I think it’s going to feel like and look like to have him here all the time.
And I’m praying. I’m praying for softened and prepared hearts not just for Tall-Shadow and me, but for our five children, for our ex-spouses, for our extended families, for our friends.
I’m praying for any remaining ties to be broken – spiritually, emotionally, mentally – between us and our exes, if they aren’t already. I’m praying for us to know how to put up and follow through with boundaries, how to fully disentangle, how to cut ties as our counselor suggested, as our new relationship comes before our former relationships.
I’m praying for us to start to intertwine our hearts and our lives, and we’re actually following through with small steps like having both our last year’s taxes done by my tax guy. Steps that declare to both of us and the world that we’re moving forward, together. That our past is our past and that our future is ours.
And finally, I’m praying for protection over our relationship, from our baggage, from our inner demons and from the actual voices of dissent, from the enemy of our souls who does not want us to have a thriving, happy, tender marriage that brings light.
Some of these things may seem small or even petty. What’s the big deal about cleaning out a cabinet or two? This is all important because these are outward actions that reflect and help me practice a certain inward posture that I hope to display and live out: that he is fully welcome and wanted in my home, heart and life.
I can only do so much on this side of things. I can only practice being his wife (or “the best pre-wife ever”, as he’s called me) now in little ways. But I am. I am trying. And I am committed to having an open heart and open mind to whatever may come.
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