When I was in my 20s and 30s, I was staunch in my beliefs. And it was annoying. I didn’t think I was annoying at the time, but I’m slightly annoyed with myself looking back.
But then I went through a rough separation and a devastating divorce, and some people – readers and people I knew – treated my heart like a punching bag. And I experienced firsthand what it felt like to have grace withheld. (Not from God…never from God…just from some self-righteous people.)
And it softened me like nobody’s business. In things like divorce. As in, at this point in my life and in my work, for the most part, when a woman comes to me, I don’t need to know how she got to where she is, just that she’s in pain and needs support. If you’re divorcing, you’re hurting, and that’s all I need to know.
But I am finding that I have a sticking point – that shall remain nameless – that I am firm in. To the point that it is affecting a couple relationships.
There is one thing that I believe so fiercely – out of protection for the people involved – that I am finding myself being unable to support their decisions. And I don’t know what to do about it.
Because I know I can’t see it from my house.
And I know that I only need to keep my side of the street clean.
And I know I’m not “in their scene” as my mentor says.
And I know that they are grown-ups and they will have to live with the consequences of their actions.
And I know that if I were making a decision that I felt strongly about that I’d want my people to love me through it.
But I just can’t.
I’m stuck. I feel so stuck.
I’ve seen too much and heard too many stories and just plain believe these people are wrong and should not be doing what they’re doing.
So all I’m doing is what I know to do when I’m stuck.
I’m giving this thing to Jesus. And I’m giving these people to Jesus. And asking for protection for the people involved. And I’m stepping back a bit. And asking that this thing – that I seem to be a tad obsessy about – becomes much smaller in my head because it’s driving me a bit mad. And I’m asking for my heart to get untangled up about this, to soften, to undarken, to let this thing go that, technically, is none of my freaking business.
And when the thought comes up in my head again – and it will, I will just say “Jesus” and hope he does something with it.
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