I received a Facebook message from a dear woman who is a member of my private group for separated/divorced woman that read:
“I should be happy for you…for being where you are headed…back to marital bliss. And I am very happy for you and truly wish you well. It’s just that a time like this I wish I were you. I [also] feel like I am one of those hurting women who had looked up to and had started soaking in your wisdom, then you are moving away again. I know I am not right feeling this way…you’ve never met me or known me. Despite all my whining…I really wish you God’s blessings in your union. May God continue using you greatly in this life. And truly am sorry if I have crossed the line, dear Elisabeth.”
This is so precious to me.
First of all, I one thousand zillion percent get where she’s coming from. During my hard marriage, it was difficult for me to hear stories of women in good marriages (which I was surrounded by as my closest girlfriends are all in good, good marriages). Then during my divorce, it was hard for me to hear of a woman finding a second chance with a good man. It felt out of my grasp. It felt cruel, as if God or life were keeping something so sweet just out of reach. So I totally get this part. And, sweet one, I think it’s pretty darn normal. No apologies necessary.
But secondly, as far as “moving away” now that I’m getting remarried. I can see where some of my readers might think that. My writing has progressed through the stages of my hard marriage and separation and divorce and single parenting and dating and now this sweet season. I write pretty much as life happens to me. So some might think then that I am done writing about the hard.
But here are some thoughts on that.
First, as wonderful as it is to be in love with and on my way to marrying a really good man who loves me back (and it is wonderful), I still have all the same problems I had before I met him. And now I’m about to become a wife and stepmom, with all the adjustments that come along with that kind of life change. So, if anything, I’m not moving away from writing about what I’m writing about, my field of experience is going to expand (not that I intend to write about my stepchildren…no worries), but hopefully y’all know what I mean.
And secondly, now that I’m experiencing what a healthy relationship is supposed to be like, I’m even more convinced of what marriage is supposed to look like, what God intended it to be, and the gaping differences between abusive Christian marriages and whole Christian marriages, which makes me an even better and stronger advocate for Christian marriage and for those who are hurting in difficult marriages and walking out of them.
So in other words, I’m not going anywhere. And my views may be shifting a bit. But my voice, in a gentle, love-filled way, is about to get stronger. I’m still here for you girls. I’m still fighting for you. I’m staying right here.
elisabeth – I can’t thank you enough for just BEING REAL. So often we want to sugar coat things and give pats on the back along with the encouraging words of “you’ll be ok” when that is the last thing that we as hurting women want to hear. I have not been following you long, but by your simply approach to keeping it real, I have to feel and KNOW that I’m not alone. And the way I feel, no matter what it is, is ok and is part of the healing process. With those components, I have concluded… I WILL be ok. So we as hurting women, need to stop using those words and start encouraging that “ok” feeling. You have lead the way on that and I thank you from the bottom of my heart!!
Amen on being real!! We need to always support marriage, because it is God’s design for His creation – His children. It is my hope that you WILL be stronger and you WILL continue to speak the truth in LOVE. You do that so well!! Just think, you have a terrific cheering section behind you now!! 🙂
I love you, sister-of-my-heart!
yes it is about time we get REAL!! So many people don’t live in the truth, well because we are so accustomed to “covering up” our lives. I know exactly where you are Elisabeth and the understanding of what God intended is huge and a reality every day as I am going on two years with my wonderful, God filled husband that God gave to me three years ago. You are going to be such a great advocate for those ladies out there that are looking for love and relationship out there, not to settle….what to look for…what to pay attention to and that there is hope beyond divorce and a hard/destructive marriages. Thanks for your words of encouragement and for expressing to us that you are not going any where 🙂 Blessings on you….btw…have you set a date yet????
Yay! Yes I’m happy to hear that you are not going anywhere! Looking forward to how God will continue to use
you during this new season of your life. Can’t wait to read all you will share :). God bless you sister!