Being in a relationship, post-divorce, in my 40s, as a woman who barely dated at all as a teenager, is brand new, sometimes scary territory for me.
Most of the terrain is delightful and life-giving and an absolute gift that I am grateful for every day.
But then there are some small bumps in the road – outside-of-the-two-of-us obstacles – that have hurt my heart. Things I’ve cried over. Things I hadn’t expected. Things I wish were different. Things I have no idea how to navigate because it’s never been my experience til now.
A recent morning was one of those times. I woke up with a heavy heart over something that I’m not going to name and I didn’t have a place for it in my head or answers on how to move forward.
But then I remembered something I had read a few years back. It was a story of a woman who was recalling a challenging season in her life, a season that matches the season I find myself in. And I looked for the book and I found it. And then I sat on my couch, fire lit, candle lit, tea by my side, heart hopeful and needing…something.
And I reread the story that I remembered from so many years ago. And I was right: she had been through what I’m going through.
And her story reminded me that it’s going to be okay, even if it’s not.
That things take time.
That relationships are tricky.
That nothing is perfect.
That you can’t make someone like you.
That some things aren’t about you at all.
That you can only do so much.
That being kind and available and even leaving space is sometimes the next right thing to do.
And I cried. Because her story took seven years to enfold to its better place. And I realized that mine might take that long too. Or, it might never turn out the way I hope. And if that’s the case, it won’t be the end of the world.
And the bigger lesson in all of this is that I remembered someone else’s story that she bravely told. And it helped me. Not with tips. But with resonance. With realizing this may be a trail I haven’t blazed before but it has been blazed by others. That I’m not alone. That this thing is a hard thing, no doubt, but it’s not the worst thing.
And so, today, I want to encourage you: if you have a story to tell, please tell it. We need it. No one but you can tell it. And you have no idea who, somewhere down the road, you may comfort or support or end up coming alongside. So be brave and tell your story.
Can you share what book you read? 🙂
I didn’t even date until my early 20’s. I am now facing 40 as a divorced mom and wondering if there will ever be anyone else for me. I have not been the type to “always need a man” but facing the future alone looks scary. I know I might never be part of a couple again and I have to be ok with that. Having Christ is enough.
I have many stories to tell. The problem is I start telling them (in my books) and then I get stuck. A get a new idea, write half the book, and I’m stuck again. I’m still in the middle of living “my story” but I want to push forward in my writing and I don’t know what’s stopping me besides excuses and all the emotional and life baggage I’m still dealing with. Did you ever experience this, getting stuck? Our stories have been so similar to date and you’ve encouraged me. I know it is my purpose to do the same for others. I just don’t know how and when I’m get past this roadblock.
I will be co-leading a Divorce Care group at my church beginning the first week of February. Telling my story for the first time….LIVE. Praying for guidance! It is important to tell your story, but to tell it from God’s redeemptive point of view. I don’t want to let my past become my identity. I want my identity to be found in Christ alone!! Divorce is a part of my past, but it is a part that Christ redeems one day at a time. It is a process that takes time, and I have convantanted with God to do the hard work of healing no matter how long it takes. He is WORTHY of my PRAISE!! And I AM HEALING!! SO GRATEFUL!!
Which church do you attend? I would love to find a divorce support group.
I, too, would be grateful for the name of the book.
Thank you for this encouragement!