True, true. My first first-date-in-twenty-three-years was very recently, as in, last weekend kind of recently. But the thing is, I had been communicating with this man for five months prior to our first date, and thus, had already been in love when we went to dinner and took that joyride in his convertible. (Probably why I looked so happy.) Oh, and it’s the man I referred to falling for at the beginning of the year and then wrote about how we were done because of clunky logistics. Yeah, well, we ended up only taking a few days off from communicating and started right back up again…I just didn’t write about it! (Look at me actually keeping some things to myself.)
Unfortunately, it is over. And, girls, I am sad. Now let me toss in here, I’m not looking for pity. I know that falling out of love is a good problem to have because it means that you fell in it in the first place. So I’m sad, but I’m not complaining. (I’m not complaining but I am eating ice cream.)
Here’s the thing: it was not a bad ending, by any means. It was kind. It was gentle. It was loving. I have no hard feelings. Not one ounce of bitterness or I-wish-we’d-never-met! Nope. I am – though sad – very, very grateful. Very grateful.
Which is why I can reiterate what I said previously: there are good men out there. Because I didn’t say that with one-date’s worth of knowledge under my belt. I said it with five-months’ worth. And he is a good, good man. And I miss him.
But my life is so much better for having had him in it. And it will go down in the history books as one of the sweetest seasons of my life, ever.
And so here is what I’m holding onto, mid-tears as I write this…something one of my best friends said to me as we talked it through.
She reminded me that God is not a cruel God. That he is not a big tease. That he doesn’t dangle good things in front of us only to snatch them away.
And so though there is no way in the world for me to know if I will ever find another man to love…and that should not be my aim or primary pursuit anyway (or yours, sweet one)…I should trust that what we shared was a foretaste, as my friend said. That if there is a man out there for me, it will be as sweet if not sweeter. Right now, I can’t even imagine because of how good and kind he has been to me, how much he has healed in me, how affirming he has consistently been, how tender with and protective of my heart. (I’m gushing…sorry. No, he’s not available. Okay, he totes is, but I’m not telling you who he is so it doesn’t matter anyway.)
So all this to say, sweet girls, falling in love is a real thing. I just did it. And now I’m asking Jesus to gently help me fall back out. And I’m in a grieving season. But I wouldn’t take back one moment despite how I feel right now.
And, hon, if you’re reading this (and I’m pretty sure you are), thank you. You changed me.
How long shall I have sorrow in my heart daily? Enlighten my eyes, O Lord. I have trusted in your mercy, because you have dealt bountifully with me. –Psalm 13–