I am not pro-divorce. I am and always will be pro-marriage. In fact, if possible, I’m less pro-divorce post-divorce than I ever was leading up to mine. However, I am a proponent these days of being intentional in your choice. Do not stay in your hard marriage just because you feel you have to. What I mean is this: if you’re staying, stay with intention. Stay because you’re choosing to. Stay out of bravery. And then give it all you’ve got, every single day. And yet on the other end of the spectrum, do not leave your marriage just because you’re exhausted (which I get, by the way). If you’re leaving, leave with intention. Leave because you’ve fought hard and prayed hard and worked hard, harder than you’ve ever worked at anything. But if you’re leaving, leave out of bravery.
(Reminder: I am not telling you to leave your marriage; I will never, ever do that. That is between you and God. And to reiterate: some of you should be staying who are leaving; and some of you possibly could be leaving who are staying.)
God is very clear with us throughout Scripture in that he doesn’t want us moving through our lives in shackles, limping through our circumstances stuck in pain and indecisiveness, hurting ourselves and others with our complaining and our bitterness and our obsessions.
God calls us to be strong.
God calls us to be courageous.
God calls us to be brave.
God calls us to not tremble in the face of adversity.
God calls us to not be dismayed, confounded, disheartened.
And he says all of these things to us…..to each one of us, no matter our circumstances…..because of this one simple, yet profound, promise:
He will be with you wherever you go. Wherever. Whether you stay, whether you leave. Wherever.
This is what I know about life: it is scary. It is unpredictable. It is hard. It cannot be controlled. It is constantly changing.
And this is what I know about hard marriage: it can paralyze us. It can leave us obsessed. It can stir up and foster deep fears. It can change who we were meant to be.
And this is what I know about divorce: it can devastate us. It can rob us of all self-confidence. It can steal our dreams. It can rip away our hope.
But this is what I also know about life: it is beautiful. It is surprising. It is full of rhythms. It is full of seasons. It is constantly teaching us.
And, most importantly, this is what I know about God:
He won’t call you to something that he doesn’t intend to walk you through.
He will never abandon you. No matter what.
He calls you to be brave because he has not given you a spirit of fear, but a spirit of power and of a sound mind.
He knew life would be filled with trouble but he promised us his peace.
His love for us will never, ever stop, because he himself is love. You will always be loved, again, no matter what.
No matter what, you will be loved. So be brave.
#SheReadsTruth
If this post helped you, I would encourage you to check out “Surviving in a Difficult Christian Marriage”, found here, or “Unraveling: Hanging onto Faith through the End of a Christian Marriage”, found here.
Beautiful words, Elisabeth. Far too many people just kind of go on with their lives, afraid of any change, living by just going day to day. While making the leaving/staying in a marriage decision is probably one of the most momentous ones, I don’t think God wants us to just drift through life in ANY area–work, location, etc. We should very consciously seek His will and follow it–which takes a LOT of courage sometimes–but we can do it with the knowledge that He WILL be with us every step of the way.
Thank you, Shelly.
Amen!
🙂
You are so right. Sometimes staying takes courage, sometimes leaving takes even more courage. Do what you need to do WITH COURAGE, and to the best of your knowledge, as God wills for you. This is hard to do if you are a Christian in an abusive marriage. There is so much baaaadd advice given to Christian women in abusive marriages. Here is some: “Just pray harder,” – Yes, pray, but you also need to ACT. “Be more submissive,” – when you are more submissive, you allow him to believe his abuse of you is OK, and he should be EVEN MORE abusive. My stance is that the best thing a Christian woman can do in this case is respectfully STAND UP to the abuse, if she won’t be putting her life in danger, and let him know his treatment of her is sin. This gives him a chance to change his ways, and repent. If he won’t, go to step 2 of the Matthew 18 process, and bring 2 or 3 others along to show him his sin. If he still won’t repent, tell it to the church. If he still won’t, treat him as an unbeliever. (Matthew 18:15-17). If she is too afraid for her life to STAND UP, then I believe she should make a safety plan with a crisis center domestic violence advocate, and look for the safest time to LEAVE….sorry to get on my soap box here, but I guess you caught me on a day when I just feel like telling it like I see it. Bless you Elisabeth, and all you are doing. Caroline Abbott
Thank you for sharing, Caroline! And I like tell-it-like-I-see-it girls! -Elisabeth
God gives is what we need, when we need it!
Yes, Lannell, he does! -Elisabeth
beautiful!
Thank you, Jen! -Elisabeth