I am not pro-divorce. I am and always will be pro-marriage.  In fact, if possible, I’m less pro-divorce post-divorce than I ever was leading up to mine. However, I am a proponent these days of being intentional in your choice. Do not stay in your hard marriage just because you feel you have to. What I mean is this: if you’re staying, stay with intention. Stay because you’re choosing to. Stay out of bravery. And then give it all you’ve got, every single day.  And yet on the other end of the spectrum, do not leave your marriage just because you’re exhausted (which I get, by the way). If you’re leaving, leave with intention. Leave because you’ve fought hard and prayed hard and worked hard, harder than you’ve ever worked at anything. But if you’re leaving, leave out of bravery.

(Reminder: I am not telling you to leave your marriage; I will never, ever do that. That is between you and God. And to reiterate: some of you should be staying who are leaving; and some of you possibly could be leaving who are staying.)

God is very clear with us throughout Scripture in that he doesn’t want us moving through our lives in shackles, limping through our circumstances stuck in pain and indecisiveness, hurting ourselves and others with our complaining and our bitterness and our obsessions.

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.” –Joshua 1:9-

God calls us to be strong.
God calls us to be courageous.
God calls us to be brave.
God calls us to not tremble in the face of adversity.
God calls us to not be dismayed, confounded, disheartened.

And he says all of these things to us…..to each one of us, no matter our circumstances…..because of this one simple, yet profound, promise:

He will be with you wherever you go. Wherever. Whether you stay, whether you leave. Wherever.

This is what I know about life: it is scary. It is unpredictable. It is hard. It cannot be controlled. It is constantly changing.

And this is what I know about hard marriage: it can paralyze us. It can leave us obsessed. It can stir up and foster deep fears. It can change who we were meant to be.

And this is what I know about divorce: it can devastate us. It can rob us of all self-confidence. It can steal our dreams. It can rip away our hope.

But this is what I also know about life: it is beautiful. It is surprising. It is full of rhythms. It is full of seasons. It is constantly teaching us.

And, most importantly, this is what I know about God:
He won’t call you to something that he doesn’t intend to walk you through.
He will never abandon you. No matter what.
He calls you to be brave because he has not given you a spirit of fear, but a spirit of power and of a sound mind.
He knew life would be filled with trouble but he promised us his peace.
His love for us will never, ever stop, because he himself is love. You will always be loved, again, no matter what.

No matter what, you will be loved. So be brave.  


If this post helped you, I would encourage you to check out “Surviving in a Difficult Christian Marriage”, found here, or “Unraveling: Hanging onto Faith through the End of a Christian Marriage”, found here.

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