excited/happy/anticipation AND sad/scared/panicky
The funny thing about this though is that I can swing in and out of both of these within moments, and even if NOT ONE THING HAS CHANGED IN MY CIRCUMSTANCES. (Girls are funny.)
Now, I’d much rather live in excited/happy/anticipation mode any day…..heck, any moment…..so I was thinking about what I can do about that.
And this morning in my devotions, I came across this quirky little passage in Luke 8:
Now it happened, on a certain day, that Jesus got into a boat with His disciples. And He said to them, “Let us cross over to the other side of the lake.” And they launched out. But as they sailed He fell asleep. And a windstorm came down on the lake, and they were filling with water, and were in jeopardy. And they came to Him and awoke Him, saying, “Master, Master, we are perishing!” Then He arose and rebuked the wind and the raging of the water. And they ceased, and there was a calm. But He said to them, “Where is your faith?”
And I read this and realized that in those moments when my thoughts get all swirly and my feelings take that turn that I hate, it is basically the same as me being in that boat. It’s like a windstorm takes over, and I can’t see my way through, and I feel out of control, just like the disciples did.
But they did something that I typically fail to do. They went to Jesus with their fear.
Now, I go to Jesus with a lot of things. But for some reason, I guess I figure that when I’m coming up against that panic, it’s just feelings and I’m kind of doing it to myself, so I just need to push through/sit with it/try to untangle the knots in my own strength/try to envision my future with my small view.
But that’s not what the disciples did. In their panic and fear, they went to Jesus and freaked out, “We are perishing!” They were honest. They brought the situation to his attention. They asked for his help.
And then he did exactly what I need him to do when my shoulders are hunched and my brow is furrowed and I can’t catch my emotional breath. He rebuked the wind and the raging of the water.
And when he did that, the wind and water-raging ceased. And there was calm. Which is exactly what I need. Exactly.
And he went on to say to them what I needed to hear this morning, what I need to hear every morning, what I need to hear every moment..…“Where is your faith?”
I know that, for the most part, my circumstances are out of my control. And I know that the God that I believe in has them all in his control. And I trust that his plan for me is not only good, but completely cloaked in his love for me. No matter what happens, no matter what I’m feeling.
Jesus, today, I surrender my future. I surrender my feelings, and their unpredictability. Help me walk in integrity, and steadiness, and peace, and calm, and please increase my faith in you to lead me along quiet, abundant, beautiful, redemptive, good paths. Amen.
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