“You deserve a good man.”  I’ve heard this more than once.  Okay, I’ve heard this a lot.

And my knee-jerk reaction is usually something like, “thank you”, or “that sure would be great”, or even, “I know, right?!?

But who says?  Why do I deserve a good man?

Because I’m nice?
Because I’m only 43 and my life isn’t over just yet?
Because my first marriage was so hard that the second one had better be amazing to make up for it?
Because it would be super great of Jesus to just throw me a bone for goodness’ sakes?

But really…..why do I ‘deserve a good man’?

Because the way I see it…..I deserve whatever Jesus doles out to me.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m clearly all for raising the bar and not settling.  And I’m totally not saying I should intentionally walk headlong into the worst relationship with the meanest man I can find as soon as possible.

But what I’m saying is that I don’t believe I deserve anything specifically good.

I don’t deserve an amazing and easy and light and fluffy life filled with romantic love.

Not because I’m a horrible person but because I’m simply a person.

A person who doesn’t deserve anything. I’m not owed anything. I’m not entitled to anything.  I’m not promised a good man and romance and a second chance at marriage and amazing sex and fulfilling intimacy and being crazy in love for the rest of my life.  I want these things (and I would be so, so grateful for these things if God allowed them), but I am not promised these things, which means I do not deserve these things nor should I expect these things and walk through my life waiting for these things.

And neither are you, and therefore neither should you, sweet single or divorced or widowed girl.

I am promised that my life, as a follower of Christ, will be hard.  And so are you.

But I am promised that my life, as a follower of Christ, will be abundant.  But so are you.

So, let’s realign our expectations, dear ones. We deserve hell. But Christ gave us his life. And we can move forward in abundance knowing that he loves us and he wants to bring us back to the land of the living and he wants to heal us and use us.  And that should be enough. And we should grateful.

And today, I am.  Because I am undeserving and yet so thankful for his  big, big grace and every single gift that I’ve got.

If this post encouraged you, you would benefit from “Unraveling: Hanging onto Faith through the End of a Christian Marriage”, found here.

Life isn't always how we want it. When change seems elusive, and we're stuck in old routines, a gentle push or some self-reflection can make a difference. Let these questions be that nudge to get you moving.

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