The Feeling and the Knowing aren’t Lining Up Today (repost 2011/mid-separation) - Elisabeth Klein

Psalm 40
I waited and waited and waited for God.
At last he looked; finally he listened.
His love and truth
are all that keeps me together.
Soften up, God, and intervene;
hurry and get me some help,
So those who are trying to kidnap my soul
will be embarrassed and lose face,
So anyone who gets a kick out of making me miserable
will be heckled and disgraced,
So those who pray for my ruin
will be booed and jeered without mercy.
And me? I’m a mess. I’m nothing and have nothing:
make something of me.
You can do it; you’ve got what it takes—
but God, don’t put it off.

I am a living psalm today.  I am unsettled.  I am on slippery ground.  Not only do I feel like people are against me, I feel like I’m letting people down, disappointing them.  I feel as if my soul is on the verge of being kidnapped.  As if people won’t be happy until I’m groveling.  Sometimes I almost feel prayed against.

And I feel as if I’m in a holding pattern.  I am waiting on several outside forces (and when I say forces, I mean people) to determine my fate.  Or so it feels.

But then there’s God…..and truth…..and love.  There’s what I know to be true even when not one molecule in my body feels like it is true.

I can wait as long as I know God is waiting with me.  I can stand on solid ground because the ground is God and not my somewhat-ridiculous circumstances.  People can think what they want and be angry with me and kick me while I’m down til next Sunday, but my God is my Father and my Husband and he is not disappointed in me or angry with me.  He knows me, he pursues me, he cares about my life and my sadnesses.  He doesn’t make me beg, and, yes, he loves me.  Some days it feels like he’s the only One, which I know isn’t true.

But even if that were the case, his love is enough.  His love would always so completely be enough.  I might be a mess.  But he can and will make something of me.  And I may have to wait and wait and wait, but he will come through.  And it will all be alright.

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