untitledI write for women. I know girls. I get girls. Girls are my audience. But occasionally I’ll get a comment on the blog or an email from a male reader (thank you, you precious few).

And I got one recently that asked this question: “How do I get to the first date with a Christian woman? Not what do I do on a first date, but how do I even get to that point?”

I have no idea. Ask Carrie Bradshaw.

Okay, but seriously, I have no idea. The last time I went out on an actual first date, Baby Got Back was the #1 hit. Seriously. Entire decades have gone by since I’ve been on a first date.

So, I jumped on my Facebook page for women who are divorced and asked them how they’d like to be approached.  So, dear male reader(s), here you go:

Be nice, respectful and spend some time in conversation.

Offer to help out. Many women have needs for help around the house, their yards, understanding an issue (warranty, tax rule, when to get car serviced, etc.). I have a friend who met her new husband at church when he offered to come over and help unclog her sink! {Author note: not metaphorically! For the love.}

If someone wanted me to know they are interested, best option is to tell me flat out.

Maybe just by showing interest in me as a person. Being kind and gentle with me. Maybe even a bit protective.


Be dependable and pleasant.

No games.

Flirt a little. Nothing heavy but some lighthearted stuff to give the hint that you are interested. I should say, that should come only after you’ve become a friend and someone I can trust.

Can’t we (both men and women alike) just communicate things like “I find you attractive” and “I’m interested in you and hope to get to know you better soon” in a respectful, non-creepy, matter-of-fact way?

How about NOT saying how hot I am and instead how funny, smart, and/or interesting I am??

I had a wonderful, godly man ask me out for coffee to get to know me better.

I liked it when my sweetheart asked if he could call me. He was stationed in another state for a few months, so we Skyped or talked on the phone.

Say what you mean and mean what you say.

Most original prize goes to the man who asked a woman out for a pedicure and lunch.  Adorbs!

Most completely thoughtful award goes to this guy: “He asked in an email — which I appreciated because it was a ‘soft’ ask that didn’t put me on the spot — and it went something like, ‘I heard you mention you were interested in this show when it came to town. I am planning to go, and I would love to have you join me as my guest. I would pick you up at (time) and we would go to dinner afterward. I would have you home by (time).’ He also offered to cover a babysitter if I needed it and gave me an easy out by saying it would be a few hours and he was aware I might not want to be away from my very young son that long. It was very direct, clear, specific, and showed he paid attention to what I had said and my situation (small child, no money for a sitter) into account.”

So, from what I can glean here and tossing in a tad of my own two cents, it’s going to take a bit of courage on your part. Make the first move..…yes, most of us still want that. Be kind. Please, please be kind. Go slow. Be honest. If you’re not honest, it’ll be done before it gets started. Show yourself trustworthy. And how about this..…just be her friend. Yeah, just be her friend.

You’re welcome.  And Godspeed.

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