Settling Sucks - Elisabeth Klein

If you have never been married or are considering remarriage, I have a word of caution for you. (Okay, I have a few million words of caution for you…..so, just go back and start reading my blog from about 2010 and on.)  But I have another specific caution for you today.

If you are in a dating relationship and you find yourself longing to be engaged and married and your boyfriend just doesn’t seem to be getting with the program, let’s think about that.

Now, I’m not talking to the woman who has been seeing someone for a few weeks. I’m talking to the woman who has been with the same man long-term, as in a couple years or more, and marriage just doesn’t seem to come up, unless you bring it up.

Is this you? Do you seem farther ahead in your desires for marriage than your boyfriend? Do you drop hints? Do you bring up the topic? Often? Do you talk about your future together? And is he quiet? Or even silent on the subject?

Honey..…and I say this with all the gentleness in the world..…it might be time to reevaluate the relationship.

I was a beggar. I begged to stay together.  I begged for commitment (a couple times). I begged for affection. I arm-twisted. I ultimatum’d: marry me or we break-up.  (Sound familiar to anyone?) It was unbecoming. Not just as a woman but even more so as a child of God.

I had myself convinced that it was because we were young or as a guy he was maybe scared of commitment.

But that wasn’t it.  We weren’t good for each other and though we both knew it, he knew it more and that is what he was rightfully scared of.  Poor guy…..seriously.

Does this sound like your current reality? Are you the pursuer? The caller? The initiator? The date-planner? The arm-twister?

Trust me when I say this…..if you are all of these things now, you will continue to be all of these things throughout your marriage. AND you will live with the thought in the back of your head that maybe, just maybe, he doesn’t love you as much as you love him which is a very, very sad, demoralizing thought to sit with for a lifetime.

Listen, to quote Maroon 5, love is not “always rainbows and butterflies” for sure. HOWEVER. However, honey, he should want to marry you. He should want to be with you. He should think you’re amazing. He should maybe even love you just a tad more than you love him.

Don’t settle. Don’t settle. Don’t settle. You will regret it for the rest of your life.  Know this: single-lonely is hard, I know. But it is much less lonely than married-lonely. Do not settle.

 

 

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