If you have never been married or are considering remarriage, I have a word of caution for you. (Okay, I have a few million words of caution for you…..so, just go back and start reading my blog from about 2010 and on.) But I have another specific caution for you today.
If you are in a dating relationship and you find yourself longing to be engaged and married and your boyfriend just doesn’t seem to be getting with the program, let’s think about that.
Now, I’m not talking to the woman who has been seeing someone for a few weeks. I’m talking to the woman who has been with the same man long-term, as in a couple years or more, and marriage just doesn’t seem to come up, unless you bring it up.
Is this you? Do you seem farther ahead in your desires for marriage than your boyfriend? Do you drop hints? Do you bring up the topic? Often? Do you talk about your future together? And is he quiet? Or even silent on the subject?
Honey..…and I say this with all the gentleness in the world..…it might be time to reevaluate the relationship.
I was a beggar. I begged to stay together. I begged for commitment (a couple times). I begged for affection. I arm-twisted. I ultimatum’d: marry me or we break-up. (Sound familiar to anyone?) It was unbecoming. Not just as a woman but even more so as a child of God.
I had myself convinced that it was because we were young or as a guy he was maybe scared of commitment.
But that wasn’t it. We weren’t good for each other and though we both knew it, he knew it more and that is what he was rightfully scared of. Poor guy…..seriously.
Does this sound like your current reality? Are you the pursuer? The caller? The initiator? The date-planner? The arm-twister?
Trust me when I say this…..if you are all of these things now, you will continue to be all of these things throughout your marriage. AND you will live with the thought in the back of your head that maybe, just maybe, he doesn’t love you as much as you love him which is a very, very sad, demoralizing thought to sit with for a lifetime.
Listen, to quote Maroon 5, love is not “always rainbows and butterflies” for sure. HOWEVER. However, honey, he should want to marry you. He should want to be with you. He should think you’re amazing. He should maybe even love you just a tad more than you love him.
Don’t settle. Don’t settle. Don’t settle. You will regret it for the rest of your life. Know this: single-lonely is hard, I know. But it is much less lonely than married-lonely. Do not settle.
If you would like to partner with me in reaching more women who are hurting, go here for more information.
Good for word for the day….”.don’t settle” for second best because God has the best in store….yes, whether married or single…God has the best for each of us…..Praying…
Thank you, Carolyn.
Many women believe that marriage will cure their loneliness, but you are right, if a woman thinks marriage will improve her relationship, she is in for a sad surprise. If the relationship was not healthy to begin with, it will usually get worse, not better. A man who didn’t appreciate you before marriage is not going to gain a new appreciation for you when you marry him.
Pressuring someone into a relationship they are not interested in seldom brings about a good result. You are sharing basic principles that women need to know so they can avoid misery.
Thank you for the encouragement, Cynthia!
AMEN!!! You write exactly what is on my heart; I just don’t use words as well as you do! Amazing post! Thank you for sharing your wisdom with the world!!
Yes indeed, been there done that…regretted it…thanks for your kind and empathic encouragement while telling it straight…I look forward to your posts!
So true. So true. So true. Married lonely is far worse than single lonely. You are right – married lonely is demoralizing. I found after my divorce that single lonely is empowering.
I say all this two days after breaking up with my man-friend-fiancé of almost 3 years. Thank you for the confirmation that this is the right decision.
Headed for single empowering 🙂
So so so true. Couldn’t agree more! Amen! Amen! Amen! And The Lord blessed me with 3 daughters who will receive a forward of this blog! 😉
I talk to my 17 year old daughter a lot about relationships. Just yesterday we were talking about her.boyfriend and i asked her, “is he kind to you?” She said “of course he is kind, mom. Why would i hang around with someone who isn’t kind to me?” Gulp. Out of the mouths of babes.
This is SO true and unfortunately I did go ahead and marry that guy, even though I had red flags and he never really seemed all that interested in pursuing me or putting me first. Stupid me I know. Now that I see how our marriage has been I can look back and see all of these things that you are talking about in your post. I guess I tried to overlook them because he said he was a Christian and I wanted so bad to believe that that would make our relationship work and make everything ok…boy was I wrong! I know now that Christian doesn’t mean compatible and just because someone claims to be a Christian that it is the way they live and treat you and others that has to prove that. Thanks Elisabeth! U always have a way with words! Wish I knew about you before I got married 😉
Oh Elizabeth…there will always be those who don’t understand. But for me…you are the one who understands and gives me strength!! It took me a long time to understand this: quoted from Leslie Vernick: “God does not love marriage more than the people in them”. This helps me sooo much…God sees my pain and doesn’t like it either. He knows my heart…and knows I’ve tried….and He knows whose heart is hard and who hasn’t tried! Keep up the good work! I enjoy your insight!
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