A few years ago, someone was trying to tell me that her marriage had issues like mine. I believe she was trying to be something between empathetic and see, so you should be staying married.
She told me the story of how her husband was really messy and how it drove her crazy and how she criticized him about it and how she felt the Spirit convict her and tell her to apologize and to work on it and how she learned a lesson and how it had helped their relationship.
Then she told me that same story about three months later, I’m assuming forgetting that she had already told it to me.
And both times, I was respectful and I listened and I nodded.
But both times, in my head, I was screaming, “No, my marriage is not like your marriage! I am not talking about messiness or tardiness or toilet seats or toothpaste caps or even missing a dinner here and there or anything at all like that! You have NO IDEA what my marriage has been like. Our marriages absolutely cannot be compared.”
But that’s not what I said. In fact, if I recall, I believe I said something like, “I haven’t shared with you what my marriage has really been like over the years, but it’s not like what you’re talking about,” and then I tried to change the subject.
Because what I’ve come to realize is this: not everyone will understand what we’re talking about.
And this: it can be super hard to empathize with something you haven’t lived through.
And this: some people, no matter how much time you spend trying to describe something, will never get it.
And this: and that’s okay.
And this: not everyone needs to understand.
And this: some people, even if they haven’t experienced what you’ve experienced, will still somehow be able to get it.
And this: don’t ask for help from the people who don’t get it.
And this: ask for help from the people who do.
And this: guard your heart from the people who don’t.
And this: open your heart wide to the people who do.
There’s help, girls. There are people who get it, I promise you. Pray and ask and pray and ask some more. You are not alone.