So there was a good man in my life for a brief season and then now he’s not really. But to be clear, it’s not because he turned into a bad man or because of anything that he or I did…no, simply because of my new least favorite word: logistics. (For the record: logistics are dumb. I hate logistics.)
But as I was somewhat crying myself to sleep (whatever) the night that we ended things and as I was about to start replaying conversations and imagined scenarios, I reached for my Bible. (Thank God I did that…that’s sadly not always my go-to response when I’m hurting.) And I went to the Psalms and asked God for a verse.
And it is the oddest verse for this situation, but I took it.
“…no good thing will He withhold…” (Psalm 84:11)
And I said that over and over to myself as I fell asleep, and as I woke up in the middle of the night all groggy and remembering, oh right…we’re over…no good thing will He withhold, I kept telling myself.
My life from my perspective is a life filled with good things that God in his abundance did not withhold. But it is also lacking, from my perspective, many, many good things that He did and does. (This good man feels like a good thing that He is withholding, if I can be honest.)
But I believe God’s word is true.
Which means that when Scripture says “no good thing will He withhold”, it must really mean that no good thing will He withhold.
Which means, what I think is a good thing being withheld from me – like, for instance, this man in this time of our lives – must not be, from God’s perspective right now, a good thing.
I also think it means that God really is the only one who knows what a good thing truly is. If we’re honest with ourselves as we look back on our lives, we can probably admit that we’re grateful certain prayers and longings of ours didn’t come to pass.
But then…if we’re still in honest mode…there are things that we have prayed for and longed for for a very long time that seem truly good, in our best interest, godly even, that we are just not being given. And that can leave you aching. And leave you questioning. And make you feel forgotten or even, intentionally hurt by a supposed all-loving God. (To be clear, He is an all-loving God, no matter our circumstances.)
In this too-close-to-the-situation-to-be-able-to-see-clearly-quite-yet season, I have no idea how “no good thing will He withhold” applies to my sadness over this loss. I’m okay with that. I don’t need to know today. I just need to hold onto it, because that’s what God gave me in that quiet, hurting moment, and so I’m choosing to trust in it. Even if I have no idea what it means. And for today, that’s really all I can do.