My entire marriage was contentious. In fact, my marriage was contentious before we were even married. And if I had to estimate, at least fifty percent of the time if not more, I was the initiator/instigator/enabler/sustainer/fully-engaged participator in the arguing. I hated arguing but I did it anyway. Fighting was a way of life for us, for me.
But I’m finished. I cannot stand fighting and I am emotionally exhausted from the fighting continuing, even if mostly in my own head.
And here’s what I realized. One of the things I’m looking for in the next man, if there is to be a next man, is little fighting.
No, I don’t want us both being doormats, but relational peace will be high on my priority list.
I want to fight with, not against. Meaning, I want to be fighting for our redemption and our beauty from ashes and for light to win out over darkness. I’d give anything for a partner to fight with.
And I want to be fought for. Don’t email me. I’m still the nazi-feminist I’ve always been. And I know I should be able to stand on my own two feet. And I know a man won’t “complete” me, Jerry Maguire. For the love. And I know that only Jesus can fill me up and heal me and make me whole.
But, and I don’t know if this is a girl thing or a Beth thing or a needy thing, but yes, I’m going to state it for the record: I want to be taken care of, and I want to be protected from evil and from the world.
I have a friend whose husband – you’re going to die – prays over her while she sleeps before he leaves for work. Yeah, I want that.
I’m tired of needing emotional protection from my partner and needing to fight innumerable daily battles with my partner.
I want to fight with. I want to be fought for.
I am done fighting against.
You can have that. It’s so worth it!
I 2nd that!
I am so with you on this post! I realized after my marriage ended that I had never felt “safe” with my Ex. He was not one to check on me if I were driving home late – he always insisted on having the nicer car (while I drove our kids around in old/high mileage vehicles) – he was not caring or loving when I was sick – never checked on me and the kids when he was traveling – and on and on. I know my Lord and Savior watches over me always, but it sure would be nice to be cherished and adored by an earthly man. Like you, I will never settle for less again!
Amen!! So well put, I feel the exact same way!! He’s out there, God is able to provide/direct, we don’t have to settle 🙂
Wow, Elisabeth once again you nailed it! All of it. To be fought for!! I totally get that. I loved the “even for the fights that were in my head”! That was me. I spent so much of my day fighting in my head! I was ready for the fight and ready with my argument even when he wasn’t around. After two years of not living with my ex and one year with the divorced finialized, I have peace even in my own head! Praise God! I am continuing to read books on boundaries and the battle of my mind to keep my head clear of all of that! I know I never want to live that way again. Which means I need to get/keep my mind healed. Thank you so much for your honest words!
Amen and Amen and YES and double YES — You said it and YOU will get it – I truly believe HE will bring you the man that –completes you — and it will be awesome – I look forward to reading the blog then….
My husband became that man that fought for me — but it took a long time and prayer! Amen!
Thank you Lord!
Taken care of, fought for, protected. Amen sister! I believe that’s exactly what God intended for us to desire when He designed us, exactly!
“I have a friend whose husband – you’re going to die – prays over her while she sleeps before he leaves for work. Yeah, I want that.”
My spouse did that when I married him. And before that, we dated for 5 years, and he prayed for me and our future marriage over the phone every.single.night. before I went to sleep. I had no idea what “family history of mental illness” can mean……
My marriage was all fighting, as well. Everything you said completely resonates with me.
I am so with you on this one. I tell my husband all the time that I so need for him to be my protector–physically and emotionally. I am a strong woman but I get tired of being the strong one. If we could just find the peace of daily living in harmony, cooperation, and team work. It’s hard when the person I need to run to is the reason that I need someone to run to.
Yup, I agree! I was just thinking yesterday that all I ever really wanted from my husband was to be cherished.
AMEN! I so am with you…