Being a Girl is Hard - Elisabeth Klein

Just in the past twenty-four hours, I have felt the following feelings:

Shame
Sorrow
Guilt
Fear
Panic
Overwhelmed
Shock
Mama-Bear protection
Taken care of
Spared
Loved
Lonely
Alone
Fragile
Exposed
Attacked
Slight delirium
Whatever that feeling is when it hits you that something absolutely horrible could have happened
Dazed
Tired
Anger
Guilt again
Remorse
Stuck
Oppressed
Stressed
Scolded
Condescended to
Grateful
Glee

(And all this without a good man to talk it through or hold me, which just adds a deeper layer to each emotion.)

I know, right? (And this was even with me taking all of this stuff to Jesus!)  I almost wrote on Facebook that I was one bad hair day away from a nervous breakdown.  And though I can poke fun at myself, it’s not like I’m all over all that now and I’m writing from a place of maturity.  No, I’m talking this all just happened and – knowing me and my hormones – just might all cycle through again a couple times in the next few days.

So here’s what I’ve got right now, in the midst of about a thousand kinda crazy/kinda bad circumstances: though, yes, we should be aiming for maturity and laying our burdens down and being able to experience God’s crazy peace and being, you know, steady…some days are just going to be nuts (or some stretches of days, in my case).  And if I added ‘beating myself up’ to my list over how crazy long my emotions list was, that would just add to my craziness.  So I’m going to accept it.  This is who I am. This is who I am when in crisis.  It’s not pretty.  In fact, I messed up in the middle of it.  But I also handled most of it, overall, pretty well.  And even if I didn’t, there’s Jesus and there’s grace and that’s enough.  That absolutely has to be enough for days like today.