One of the cool things about writing a blog is that sometimes, people write me back. Now, it’s not cool when they’re mean, which sometimes happens. But it is cool when someone writes to tell me that what I’ve written has encouraged them or helped them realize they’re not alone. Mission accomplished.
But every once in a while, I get an entirely different kind of email. And that’s what I’m going to share with you today. A male reader wrote a sort of counterpoint to my post last week of why I’m terrified to date again (that you should probably read first so that his will make sense). I was so encouraged by his honesty that I thought I would share it with you as well, with his permission of course.
I would like to offer a man’s point of view in responding to your 10 reasons, which are certainly valid, and it is good to be cautious. This is just for fun, and I am not trying to sway your opinion.
10 – A lot of us men are shy as well, though we may not show it. A lot of us don’t like to go to parties, and quite a few of us would rather read a book in our favorite chair than watch TV, or go out on the town. Most men are just as nervous going on a date, if they are normal – and not a narcissist. 🙂 There are men out there who feel the same as you.
9 – Don’t worry, we exist, in all shapes and sizes. 🙂
8 – I am trying the online dating thing and equally scared. I haven’t had any issues yet, nor much success with that route. Word of caution – protect your identity. Don’t advertise your full name, or address, just a general location. Meet in a public place and don’t invite them to your home. I’m sure you knew that already.
7 – Buy a house together with a bigger closet. Actually, most of us guys don’t have a lot of clothes, so we’d probably be happy with them in a dresser or in a pile in the floor. You could also weed out all the guys for possible matrimony by asking how many clothes they own. 🙂
6 – Most of us guys couldn’t care less if you wanted to go by yourself to the grocery store or shopping. We’d probably seize the opportunity to do a little “tinkering”, whether in the garage or elsewhere in the home.:) I was never bothered by my ex-wife wanting to go off and do her thing by herself. I think most men who are emotionally secure feel the same way. We would only ask that if we develop a budget together, that you please stick to it and not buy a Mercedes while you were out.:) I think it is important to do a lot of things together in marriage, but it is unhealthy to do everything together. You each need personal space, hobbies, and time to yourselves and with the Lord.
5 – This is all on you. 🙂 Actually, I believe most men who love Christ, and put Him first, take seriously the command to “Love our wives as Christ loves the church”. A part of that is encouraging her to grow as an individual, to make sure that we are providing an environment that allows her to become the best person she was made to be by God. Find a man who is sold out for Christ, and as he studies you, he can help provide an environment where you won’t get lost. 🙂
4 – There are many men who enjoy a lot of alone time, and won’t be bothered by your needing it. Just find one who likes you as you are, and won’t want to change you! Find one who has the same needs – we are out there, by ourselves…reading our books.:)
3 – Definitely make sure he loves Jesus more than himself or you. Jesus will tell him what to do, and when he is wrong, He will make him apologize! 🙂 There are many of us who understand that women are daughters of the most High God, and should be treated with kindness, love and respect. Christ makes a man want to lay down his life for his wife, and he will do it out of honor for the One he serves. It is also my goal to find someone capable of being emotionally invested in my children. I think it is an easy attitude to pick up on just from an email, or their online profile. Being a parent is about self-sacrifice, and those who exhibit a “me-first” attitude usually get quickly deleted from my online matches, and in our society, that is a lot! 🙂
2 – Christ is the greatest baggage checker there is…pile it on Him – He can handle it.:) Just be sure you both do it, and handle it together if it gets in the room. Forgiveness goes a long way to lightening the load.
1 – Marriage is hard. Our fallen nature causes a lot of injury, that is why Christ has to be on the throne of our hearts or we will destroy one another. I want to see how someone fights while dating. Fighting fair, with a goal of a win-win scenario for you both, is one of the keys to a successful marriage. It may alleviate your sadness by knowing he wants to win with you and not just win. Being a 46 year old member of the gender of male, who only wants to serve Christ, and have a successful marriage one day, I can assure you we exist!
I think it is important to find someone who is very similar to you, where you share a lot of common ground. No one will be exact, there will be differences, but those differences should be celebrated rather than condemned. We males have the same relational fears regarding acceptance and failure, so don’t let that deter you. It is hard to date, and a bit scary, but God is good and will prepare the way before you.