Flashback Friday with an excerpt from my first book, Calm in My Chaos:
Can You freeze time?
Freeze these moments of so much love
That I don’t know what to do with myself
Freeze these moments of so little sleep
That I don’t remember my own name half the time
Freeze these moments of so much awe
That I can’t help but praise Your Name for these amazing gifts
Freeze these moments of so many diapers
That I change more frequently than I change my own mind
Or do I—I can’t decide?
Will You freeze time?
Because as it is, I can’t see past tomorrow
My mind can’t envision myself
Other than the mother of two under two
I wouldn’t have believed it if someone had told me—
Five years and two kids ago
But why not?
What else could I possibly be doing?
This is my life
So please freeze time
Stop these moments from leaving
Keep the love, and the weariness, and the awe and the diapers
For just a moment
One day later . . .
I thought I could take my “two under two” to Target. My motive was pure. I wanted a few items of clothing—for me. (Heaven forbid!) I need something to wear. Something that would somehow fit my new body – that resembling a Dr. Seuss character. What was I thinking? After two attempts into the store—the first thwarted by whining and screaming children, the second because I was positive a clerk was about to call Child and Family Services—I left. I packed us back into the car and went home. Just like that. And they both screamed the entire way.
So, what was I was saying just yesterday? Something about freezing time? I’ve changed my mind. Please don’t freeze it. Allow it to unfold at its normal pace. And I’ll just keep a journal.
Allow the pleasures of the moment to sink in—memorize your baby’s face. Linger at the next feeding and look into each other’s eyes. Freeze time in your mind. Because time moves so quickly, and these moments with your children will be like pictures you can revisit again and again. And it will be these snapshots that carry you through the more trying parenting times.
Dear Father, impress upon my heart the wonder that is the creation of my baby. In the midst of the diapers and duties, help keep my focus on Jesus, Your love for me, and this gift. Amen.
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This is exactly what I’ve been feeling lately. I just didn’t know how to word it. Thank you so much for keeping many of us afloat, by being obedient. God bless you!
You’re welcome, Stella! Wrote that about fifteen years ago…talk about wishing I could freeze time now…