Question (to Facebook community of separated/divorced women): “If you could give advice to ex-husbands in how they should treat their ex-wives, what would you say? 

Respectfully. Just because life didn’t work out the way you wanted it to doesn’t mean you get to be a jerk. 

Treat her the way you want to be treated. 

Be nice or be absent. 

Make requests not demands. 

Treat your children’s mother well for their sake. The boys are learning how to treat women from you and the girls are learning what treatment is acceptable from men from you.Teach the kids to respect her as well.

Be there for the kids. Your kids need you.

Don’t call her the pet name you used when you were married (i.e. “Babe”). 

Try to not be awkward – don’t ask for/expect hugs from people you have been hurtful to. 

Give her space; and if you’re been unfaithful/abusive, don’t wonder why she’s “cold.” 

Accept responsibility for what you did or didn’t do and don’t put all the blame on your ex-wife. 

Please, please don’t yell or even raise your voice at your ex when she is simply asking for information or disagrees (politely) with something you have said or requested. She is no longer your “wife” – treat her as politely as you would a co-worker or a stranger you just met. 

Treat your ex-wife with gentleness and give her the respect she has due. Remember she’s doing this on her own and that alone speaks volumes about her. 

Don’t make promises to the kids you won’t keep! 

This is still the woman you once loved and that God still loves. Don’t forget that He is watching. 

We’re not asking a lot. Kindness, as we both learn how to move on, will go a long way. 

If this post encouraged you, you would benefit from “Unraveling: Hanging onto Faith through the End of a Christian Marriage”, found here or “Living through Divorce as a Christian Woman”, found here.

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