Question (to Facebook community of separated/divorced women): “If you could give advice to women still in difficult marriages, what would you say?”
Make sure you are talking to someone at your church or a counselor- do NOT isolate yourself.
Make sure you are familiar with the household finances, taxes, etc.
Take care of yourself – reach out, find something your very own to enjoy, foster healthy and safe relationships (friends & family).
Step out of denial to be real about the circumstances in which you are living so that you can live in the truth.
Make smart decisions. Educate yourself on your options.
Be responsible for yourself and your children.
Seek Godly counsel – preferably with your spouse but even if you have to go alone, and pray without ceasing.
Fix your eyes on Jesus. Look to Him to find your value.
If you can stay, stay.
Ask God what is your fault and ask forgiveness. Work on your stuff, not his.
Join Al-Anon or another group.
Don’t make any big decisions quickly.
Don’t lose your dignity. Talk instead of yell, fight fair and productively, take a break when you feel like losing it, and get some Godly girlfriends who will talk you through the worst of it and help you seek peace and Christlikeness.
Get counsel and follow it. Follow wisdom not what you wish we’re true.
Look at history. Don’t always wipe the slate clean. Forgive but don’t forget.
Know every detail of financial matters and have documentation!
Set boundaries and keep them.
Don’t cover up abuse! Be truthful and get help now.
Document as objectively as possible so if you need to make a decision you have journals or notes or something that can help you recall things more accurately (less colored by your opinion of the moment) AND help you look for patterns. Keep copies of things that cause you concern.
Protect yourself. If you are in danger, get out of danger.
Don’t be afraid of God’s voice. Often women in bad situations tune God out, which ties his hands. If God says do it, then you need to do it even if it goes against what you personally want.
Be heard…by anyone…be heard.
You may feel painted into a corner by your marriage circumstances or even by your faith, but you always have options for becoming more whole.
If this post helped you, I would encourage you to check out “Surviving in a Difficult Christian Marriage”, found here.