For the past couple years, I’ve taken to praying about one word as a goal for my upcoming year. Last year (http://elisabethcorcoran.blogspot.com/2012/01/one-word.html), I chose heal.
I gently chuckle at my naïve self boldly choosing heal for last year as this past year has brought about so much more pain than healing — much more pain than I expected, and much less healing than I had hoped.
This year has been my season for dying, uprooting, killing, tearing down, weeping, mourning, scattering stones, refraining from embracing, giving up, throwing away, tearing, silence and war. Hopefully next year will be my year for birth and planting and healing and building and laughing and dancing and gathering stones and embracing and searching and keeping and mending and speaking and love and peace.
So, this year, I’ve got three words.
I’m declaring this coming year to be the year of healing yet again, but this time with much more realistic expectations for what that will look like. I’m guessing it will be a deeper work, not something others will be able to see just by looking at me. But I’m moving forward with this word again mainly because I need it so desperately. I cannot stay in some of the places I still am; I just can’t.
I’m also adding peace to my short list, for two reasons. The first being that during a prayer time with some friends where I was attempting to let go of some wounds and to say goodbye to a significant era of my life, one of them whispered to God to please give me a word, and peace is what came to my mind immediately. I think he wants me to have peace in this church-walking-away decision. I think he wants me to know that though this goodbye is so hard, it’s also so very necessary if I’m going to (see above) heal.
I’m adding it to the list also because though there are still some ups and downs in my post-marriage life for sure, the turbulent moments are fewer and farther between, and I think I’m supposed to start learning to live with circumstantial peace, after a lifetime of circumstantial chaos defining who I am. This will take a while. I’m a drama queen, I’m coming to find, and I don’t always know what to do with the quiet, sweet times (Oh, I don’t know, Beth, how about be grateful, enjoy them, stuff like that…working on it…).
And the final word I’m tossing out over this next year isn’t even a word. (If it is, please let me know.) It’s the concept that I stop caring so deeply what everyone other than Jesus thinks and says about me (see most of my posts in the past couple weeks). Many people disagree with how I am living my life (Mike Foster calls them dream-stealers) – and they tell me what I’m doing wrong – and I just can’t take it anymore. (This is how pathetically bad it has gotten: I was about to meet someone for lunch and I practically begged Jesus to keep her from saying something mean to me. Yeah.)
But you see, I need to be able to take it. I can’t throw away my phone and my laptop and never leave my house and never speak to or see anyone ever again, so I need to be able to learn to take in someone’s view of my life in a really healthy way, and right now, I take it all in in really codependent, weighing-down, almost paralyzing ways. So I need whatever this word would be to take root in my life, and it might as well be sooner rather than later.
So, three words…healing, peace, not-caring-what-people-think-of-me.
How about you? What are your words for this coming year?
“I decided to heal {her}, lead {her}, and comfort {her}, creating a new language of praise for the mourners. Peaceto the far-off, peace to the near-at-hand,” says GOD— “and yes, I will heal them.” –Isaiah 57- (Msg)
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Good morning Elisabeth,
Just wanted to say I love your blog posts. Your story is the story of so many other women. I went thru a very messy divorce several years ago, so much of what you share in your experiences, I’ve experienced too – or similar enough to resonate. So I would encourage you to keep seeking God and sharing as He prompts you…there are women who need to hear:)
As for the turbulence and drama, I too had to learn to get off the roller coaster. It was as if I was suffering some sort of adrenaline withdrawal, because I didn’t have the constant uproar. I now enjoy the peace and quiet. It is truly a peace that passes all understanding. And now I know that we were never meant to live like that. At some point every day, I just sit and marvel where the Lord has delivered me. It has not been an easy walk, but worth it:)
I love your word-phrases! My word for the year is persevere – to continue in a course of action even in the face of difficulty or with little or no indication of success (from the dictionary) And my meditation scripture for the year is all of Psalm 46. We all know ‘Be still and know that I am God’ but I want to know that in a deeper way in 2013 (other than ‘just shut my mouth’ lol!)
Thank you so much for sharing so openly! Lots of blessings~peace~healing~ ‘rising above and rising to what Jesus thinks’, to you in 2013:) ~Lisa
Hi Beth,
Thank you for continuing to share your thoughts through tough times. I have two comments to share. First, I think the word you search for is “detachment”. What I hear is that you want to detach from the words so to speak, but not the people. Detach from giving their words power over you, but still love and care for those who share them. I am working On this one too. Second, in Church on Tuesday, I heard that peaceful is tranquility despite the turmoil, not the absence of turmoil. Not sure if it helps but it’s all I’ve got. May God Bless you and keep you in the palm of His hand. 🙂
Hey B – heal is excellent idea, peace is preferable always and the other stuff? How about ‘resilience’?? I believe that we all need to learn this and equip our children with it. One definition of resilience is: the ability of matter to spring back quickly into shape after being bent, stretched, or deformed. I believe that covers just about everything! Much love and blessings over your words this year
I agree with Lisa W. When i am in those situations, like i going to get on the phone with someone that could potentially criticize me, i keep repeating Jesus in my mind. Inviting him into the conversation. As well as him guiding me not to react, but to respond in a way that He would…Thank you for sharing.
Lord, this prayer is for Elisabeth. I have not stopped thanking You God for your word and how You speak to me through her blog and how You use her to speak to others . . . I pray … 17 asking you God, the glorious Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, to give Elisabeth spiritual wisdom[f] and insight so that she would continue to grow in the knowledge of YOU, God. 18 I pray that her heart will be flooded with light so that she can understand the confident hope YOU have given to those you call—MY holy people who are rich and in glorious inheritance.[g]
19 I also pray that she will understand the incredible greatness of God’s power for us who believe him. ( I believe she knows this, but give her a refreshing lesson that just sticks in a new way.) This is the same mighty power 20 that raised Christ from the dead and seated him in the place of honor at God’s right hand in the heavenly realms. 21 Now he is far above any ruler or authority or power or leader or anything else—not only in this world but also in the world to come. 22 God has put all things under the authority of Christ and has made him head over all things for the benefit of the church. 23 And the church is his body; it is made full and complete by Christ, who fills all things everywhere with him. Lord, may Elisabeth see the value she is to that body, may she understand that she is loved. And Lord, grant her prayer, that she will experience peace and a deeper healing in this next phase of her walk. I remember praying for my husband to return home and feeling ‘that’ was what was needed and when he did return…the HARD part was the reconstruction part…the HARD part was the ‘after’ part, but YOU guide and direct. Now she may face even a HARDER part – but YOU are there. And Lord, I pray that she will detach herself from the words that come at her….my opinion is not that ‘great’…but her words have HELPED me tremendously and HER words have been YOURS God, so I am most GREAT-ful. Lord, I thank you – and delight in you and how You have used this woman. Lord, bless her children, bless her and I pray for the redemption of her ex -husband, as I do believe you want not one soul to be lost. Amen. And Amen.
Amen.
Hi Beth. I had no idea someone else did the new year word thing. My word this year is renewal. I think maybe your third word is “tolerance?”
I was struck by your comment that your ‘word’ for last year was ‘heal’ and that instead, you ended up with a lot of pain. I was reading portions of Lee Bueno’s book this week (‘Fast Your Way to Health’). Pardon me for quoting this long chunk of the book here:
“Discomfort sometimes occurs during a fast. When people complain of pain while fasting in a fasting institute, we encourage them with the following statements. ‘Be glad! You’re getting rid of poisons!’ ‘Something good is happening.’ ‘Relax! Your body is doing some deep cleaning.’ When people go on fasts to receive healing, we urge them, ‘Don’t let your faith in God waver when the discomforting symptoms prevail. You must persevere. Your body is in pain, but this pain is not the pain of disease. This is the pain of healing. This pain is your friend. Your body is healing itself as a result of this fast. As your body breaks down and eliminates the toxins, you may not feel so great.'”
I believe the same can be applied to your situation. You claimed the word ‘heal’ and, as hard as it might be to believe right now, you are receiving your healing. Pain is just part of the healing process.
Trusting along with you that your healing will be complete in 2013.
I wonder if the word could be ‘uncondemned’ Romans 8:1 Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus
Also – the woman caught in adultery: “Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?”
11 “No one, sir,” she said.
“Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared.” John 8:10,11.
We are freed from condemnation when we are in Jesus.