Question (from Facebook community): “Are my kids doomed?”
My children are 15-1/2 and 14, so I cannot speak from the place of seeing what kind of adults they have turned out to be. But here’s what I know.
I am a child of divorce.  And I got divorced.  That little life truth makes me nauseous and leaves me feeling paralyzed, if I let it.  Because the next natural step in that equation would seem to be – therefore, my kids will end up in difficult marriages and get divorced as well.
Before I go on, though, let me just say…as hard as a hard marriage was, and as horrible as divorce is, and as much as I want to spare my children from any kind of pain at all if I could…if either of my children end up in a difficult marriage and/or end up getting divorced, it will not be the end of the world for them or for me.  Don’t get me wrong: I don’t want that for them…God doesn’t want that for them…they don’t want that for themselves.  But…if that is what their hard thing ends up being in life, it’s live-through-able.  It really is.  So, let’s let that truth take some of the steam out of the word doomed, shall we?
But as far as the real question underneath the question: “are they destined to repeat our mistakes?” Absolutely not. They will if you don’t look your mistakes full in the face and dissect them all and take responsibility and make amends. But if you do the hard work now, you will be able to impart serious life lessons to your children that can help them avoid our pitfalls.
Things like, choose your marriage partner with the utmost care.  It’s not who you can’t live without.  Come on, life isn’t a romantic comedy.  It’s who you can honestly see yourself living out your daily life with.  (See Red Flags for some things you can teach your kids to look for in a spouse:
Feel your feelings.  Are your kids able to express their emotions? They need to know what their feelings are, be able to verbally describe how they’re feeling, and appropriately express them. It’s okay to cry, it’s not okay to punch someone, things like that.
It’s wise to ask for help. Living life in isolation can only lead to trouble. Make sure your children know now how to choose good friends, and how to know when it’s time to call in the big guns and get outside help for a troubling situation.
God’s grace covers it all. I Peter 4:8 says that “love covers a multitude of sins”. Your child will make mistakes. A lot of them. If we didn’t sin and mess up, Jesus wouldn’t have had to come for us. We shouldn’t run headlong into sin touting that grace will be there to catch us when we fall, but we can rest in the comfort that when we do mess up, he will be there to help pick up the pieces. There is no mistake too big for the love of God.

Do your children know these things?  Do you know these things? You must know these things first before you can pass them along. But you can pass them along. You can stand up and put a stop to some things. You can begin speaking truth against the wrong or the evil going on in your home, in your family, in your relationships. You can model how things should be done. You can apologize when you mess up. You can correct and discipline when dangerous patterns start to emerge.
And you can breathe in believing that your Father is also your children’s Father. He’s got them. He won’t let them fall. Just like he hasn’t let you.

If this post helped you, “Moving On as a Christian Single Mom” is for you, found here.


Life isn't always how we want it. When change seems elusive, and we're stuck in old routines, a gentle push or some self-reflection can make a difference. Let these questions be that nudge to get you moving.

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