Here are the facts.

One, I have been living apart from my now ex-husband for two full years. Therefore, I’ve had some time to get used to this single life and single parenting thing.

And two, I was served with a petition for dissolution of marriage eleven months ago. Therefore, I’ve had some time to get used to the idea of, you know, actually being divorced.

Except, here’s the thing.  I did not see this coming.  I know, only a crazy person wouldn’t actually expect divorce papers to not end in divorce, but that’s where I’ve been living apparently (in crazy town).

I stood in front of a judge yesterday and listened to questions being answered, my legs barely able to hold myself up. And then I heard this question from the other attorney, being asked of my ex-husband, “Is your marriage irretrievably broken?”

Without hesitation, the reply came, “Yes.”

Seriously, in my head, I was screaming, “It is?!?”

Because I honestly, deep down, thought the trigger would never be pulled on this.  I woke up this morning in utter shock that I am actually divorced.  I had to say it out loud to sort of remind myself.  I am divorced.

So what all this means is, yes, I’ve gotten a bit used to parts of this new life of mine, but oh my word, seeing as I didn’t think it was going to actually happen, I’m so far from being healed and ready for my next chapter in life that it’s not even funny.

Though I was kicking myself for being so sad yesterday because it felt like I should be two years in already, it’s actually just day one for a huge part of my heart that did not expect this to be my life.

So I am requesting permission to be sad…like, for a while…from myself, from God, from you (the people in my life).

And this is the response I’m pretending to hear: Permission granted.

If this post encouraged you, you would benefit from “Unraveling: Hanging onto Faith through the End of a Christian Marriage”, found here or “Living through Divorce as a Christian Woman”, found here.



Taking a few moments to sit quietly and focus your heart and mind on Jesus is one of the best things you can do for yourself spiritually, mentally, emotionally and even physically. Enjoy this free gift of guided meditations.

you're just moments away from calm!