Mind on Fire - Elisabeth Klein

I woke up unsettled yesterday, anticipating a long-awaited and difficult meeting later in the day.  I memorized Isaiah 26:3 in preparation:

You keep in perfect peace {her} whose mind is stayed on you, because {she} trusts in you.

This is one of many promises that God makes to us, but it’s conditional.  If you do this…, then I will do this…  In this case, if you keep your mind stayed on me and you trust in me, then I will keep you in perfect peace.

It didn’t work.

I’m not saying he broke his promise.  I’m saying I had monkey mind on fire (thank you, Natalie Goldberg and Jan Silvious).  I couldn’t rein it in.  I felt anxious and preoccupied, awful-izing the outcome of said difficult meeting, conjuring up ridiculous worst case scenarios. 

And then the meeting was cancelled.  Without my knowledge, and certainly without my consent or agreement.  So monkey mind on fire turned from worry to anger and resentment.

I know that I’ve been given a sound mind (II Timothy 1:7).  I know that I’ve been given the mind of Christ (I Corinthians 2:16).  I’m commanded to take my errant thoughts captive (II Corinthians 10:5).  I know all of this and yet…

And yet yesterday I just couldn’t make my faith work.  I tried though, I really did. 

I think that just happens sometimes.  I think sometimes we just mess up.  Or things just don’t gel.  Yesterday, I sent an email that I probably shouldn’t have, and I vented to a few people.  Not great ways to handle the situation.  And yet, I didn’t contact the person I was most upset with.  And, I prayed.  And I worshiped.  I was pissed but I worshiped. 

My faith does work.  All the time.  It may not do for me what I always want it to, but that’s not what it’s there for.